My Inner Thoughts
I'm finding it hard to find the balance between good and bad, it seems that this month, this whole year thus far is filled with grief and little joy.
Heaven gained another angel today, 8/23/2013. My Pappy Smith lived 92 years on this earth. He is survived by his wife of 64 years.
They spent a wonderful life of 64 years together raising their four children and making friends through their travels. I pray my Grandma is able to find her joy again. I am sure he is watching over her from heaven.
Pappy served our country with pride and honor! God was calling him home and He needed another angel to help poor out the rain.
I hope I feel his presence with me for the rest of my life. It is very hard to say good bye to my loved ones. Seems so much sadness fills my days. I have lost yet another piece of my heart.
Those we love simply change addresses, but they are always with us in our hearts.
As I sit here thinking of you, and of the wonderful love I once knew, Even though you've gone away, I can only wish, you will give me signs that all is well. Our hearts will not let you go, Our faith tells us you're in a better place. Till we meet at that Heaven's gate. Rememer we love you dearly.
I will forever love you. Yet another saddest day of my life!!!
R.I.P Grandpa I love you and I miss you sooo . . .much
To spread a little wisdom... Let's restore some balance in the world, and do all the good we can for anyone and everyone, because far too frequently the world is filled with pain.
I am Broken Heart Times Two,
This song is for you Pappy...Daddy will help you find your way.
Johan Fredriksson - Grandpa
February 28, 2011 my world changed. It was not just because my Father died in an accident while driving home. It was also because of all that followed.
The first problems were those I experienced with the towing company and the insurance company. Those were minor in comparison to those I would have with the Bank that held the alleged mortgage to Dads home.
The week following his death was occupied with making arrangements and having the funeral. The week following the funeral, I began working on his financial matters. It was at this time I contacted the Bank concerning the mortgage. I notified the Bank of his death and requested to make arrangements to have future mortgage payments made through the estate account. I also let them know that I am the sole beneficiary of his will and the personal representative of the estate. The Bank representative indicated that they could not make any changes to the account until I was added to the account. They indicated that I would be added within 48 hours of their receipt of original copies of the Death Certificate and Letter of Administration. I went directly to the post office and per their request I sent the required documents via overnight mail.
What has transpired in 2 plus years since then has been nothing like the simple change I was expecting when I sent my documents. I called after 5 days to check on their progress and they indicated that they had not received my documents. I had a receipt that said they did. They said I should call back later. In the time between then and now I called over 60 times and for nearly a year they said my documents were not received or eventually they said the documents were received but not uploaded to the account yet. Either way, they refused to deal with me.
I got a Notice of Intent to Foreclose on May 17, 2011. I called the Bank immediately to explain the situation but as before they would not deal with me because I had not been added to the account. Less than a month later, I came home to find that the bank had hired a company to lock me out without due process. I found myself suddenly homeless. I tried to speak to the Bank and again they refused to deal with me.
It was difficult getting legal advice. I was still paying all the expenses associated with the house and have been living on a fixed income due to my disability and cannot afford what lawyers are charging. Organizations that are supposed to help people like me turned me down because I was not on the account or for reasons that were contrary to what I knew to be true. When, after 6 months of being homeless, I came up with $250 for a consultation with one lawyer, he would not take the case but he did say that I should take back possession of my house. So I did on December 5, 2011.
At this point I found an agency called MVLS. I applied for help and they assigned me to a lawyer in Westminster who would take my case pro-bono. He saw what was wrong with what the bank was doing and began taking action on my behalf including getting a hearing in Orphan’s Court. Around this time, the bank finally recognized me on the account on the one year anniversary of Dad’s death, exactly 50 weeks after they first got my documents.
This is the only action the Bank has taken in the time before or since that approaches cooperation. Every other action before and since has been in pursuit of foreclosure on the loan. I don’t know if the bank’s recognizing me on the account is the result of my lawyer’s efforts. The hearing in Orphans Court produced no results and my lawyer stopped communicating immediately after that. After a few months I asked for my original documents back so I could pursue a civil case for damages against the Bank. Many months later I got them in the mail without any notification or comment.
The first week of January of 2013 I received a letter from someone at the bank who identified himself as the Dedicated Service Representative for Dads account and that I should personally contact him with any questions or issues. I sent a certified letter to him addressing my complaints and to date I never heard back from him. My belief that the bank only wants to take my house is strengthened by the fact that on February 19, Dad’s birthday, the bank appointed a Substitute Trustee to proceed with the Foreclosure action. They were trying to circumvent me by foreclosing on my dead Dad instead of his estate.
(It is not legal to file A LAWSUIT against a dead person, name only. My moral background and common sense told me this from the start! It is the law! Banks or anyone else claiming there is a debt owed by the deceased, collectors must file against the estate of the deceased and properly serve the correct party.
I had to file a motion to stay and request a hearing, to intervene as a party to the suit. The Judge did grant me my motion to stay and I am still waiting for the bank to properly serve the estate.)
I continued searching for legal help for a civil suit, all the while doing my own research about what laws and regulations related to my situation. Each time I found something and brought it to the attention of a prospective lawyer they would start out saying what the Bank did was wrong and then they would change their tune and tried to discourage me from filing a civil suit. I called Maryland Volunteer Legal Services again to help me with the foreclosure because my lawyer still was not returning my calls. MVLS sent me a letter and confirmed they also could not reach the lawyer they assigned to me and closed the case. In April 2013, I received a letter and learned that my lawyer quit practicing law altogether and his practice was taken over by another lawyer.
Without a lawyer to represent me I had to petition the court to make me a party to the foreclosure case. I contacted Legal Aid to help me with the foreclosure action. I gave them all my documents and signed an agreement for them to investigate my case.
One week before my foreclosure court date, I received a call from the lawyers. They said they were closing my case that they were not able to help me. I was shocked and felt very hopeless at this point. I have to face this alone! I have no trust in the lawyers who were suppose to help me. I hear one thing and told another and the only thing their actions are doing is keeping me in a state of confusion. I will follow my gut because that is what has gotten me this far!
I made plenty of mistakes but when I finally had my day in court the Judge was pretty plain that everything I said and did was right and that the Bank and Substitute Trustees were in the wrong. He went on to point out that the severity of their abusive wrongdoing might even warrant a Federal case for damages. He gave me the option to either dismiss the case and make the bank start from scratch or to let them amend their case to include me. I wanted this over sooner, not later and opted to let them amend. (I should have motion the court what the law required but I did not for the sake of my emotional well being) The judge indicated that the case would proceed after I had been served properly and now that I was made a party to the case, the bank and substitute trustee should cooperate with me to settle this matter. The bank doesn't seem to know how to do anything but bully me. Their response was to send 14 Notice of Intent to Foreclose packages all dated May 31, 2013, the same day as my court hearing. If they had done that prior to the hearing, the upset would probably have finished me. I felt intimidated and a very clear message "The Bank is richer then me, most of all ready to get this case moving". I said to the court I am to agree to them mending their case (include me as the PR of the deceased estate) because I can not emotionally, physically handle this much longer. So that is what I need, no more delays...I need to be free from this responsibility that has been a huge weight on my shoulders and has consumed my life, my world, my mind, my savings and MY FREEDOM!
While the validation from the judge did a great deal for my state of mind I have still been unable to get a law firm that is qualified and capable of helping me defend against the foreclosure and has the financial resources to last through a federal trial for damages. I am convinced the good lord knows I can do this on my own. Which I have a lot of faith that I can fight and handle my own in a court room. I have the heart and the drive to get justice for the wrong doing! Everyone in my path will get a taste of justice. I am strong and I do understand most, not all but I am ahead of most people when it comes to fighting for your rights.
I did sign with a lawyer and the first firm to see the case said they were 100% on board until after 2 weeks they dropped out because of a conflict of interest with the bank. It seems the Bank used them for processing some documents. So, I continue to search for a lawyer or law firm that can keep their focus on what the Bank did wrong and the damages to me that represents. I feel giving up is not an option, NEVER will be an option. I am very creative when it comes to getting my own media attention. One way or another, I promise I will be heard and my voice will be loud and clear. Do not be surprised if you see me on the big screen...I do have many people on my list to contact (the next few months are going to be busy). My only mission is to educate the people of their rights. Stop the injustice that is allowed to continue throughout parts of the US.
I have struggled this entire time with grief, anxiety, fear, anger, depression, suicidal thoughts, and physical manifestations like pain and high blood pressure. It has been a trial like no other. It has been a constant battle. Every accomplishment seems to be met with 3 new obstacles. I am at a loss as to why agencies that are supposed to help people with genuine need would be so unwilling to help me. I also find it hard to comprehend that the Bank is so heartless that they would mistreat someone so badly, especially when I have tried from the beginning to make the alleged mortgage payments.
I am only telling you the short story here. If I would go into the FULL VERSION of my story, your head would spin. The Judge said it himself. The rest I am saving for court because I know I got a case and I know what the Bank has done will have to be answered to. They may have the money, but I will and can sell everything I own, even my organs if it comes down to it! I will not be a victim any longer.
Think about it people, lets say ten people have a issue where the Bank or some other business did them wrong...and 9 of those people walk away....Only one decides to stand their ground and fight back...The business just made a fortune off of those nine people who gave up or said "I can not deal with this torture" In my opinion, the business makes a ton off of the people. . . I AM THE ONE WHO WILL FIGHT BACK!
As you can see a lot of time has passed. I am slowly coming back but still have a long road ahead of me. I will start this blog off with a small update of why I been MIA.
First off, since Dad died I have been fighting for justice for my father and I. I thought we live in the United States of America, boy have I had a REALITY CHECK!
Our world is not what I always thought it to be. I have nothing good to say! Banks suck! I have fought this battle alone and so far I feel I have won but it is not over yet! I may be a poor, white, disabled girl but I am no dummy. I will fight until my last breath and if this kills me my daughter will continue to fight. Yes, I have all the paperwork set just in case I die from this nightmare that I have been forced to live! Almost 3 years of my life has been consumed.
I will be educating many with the details of my experience. (Not today) I hope to help at least one person with my experience. Knowledge is POWER! You know Dad had served 21 years in the US AIR-FORCE. I ask myself why? I feel I have no freedom, no hope of justice and very little confidence in how our legal system works.
I have been fighting one of the biggest banks in the world and they have done everything wrong and I have done everything right according to the judge. In my opinion, from what I have experienced and learned, my Dad’s bank, and I am sure many other bank's, have been using their evil tactics to abuse people. In my case, it is a crime for what they have done and they have been getting away with it for so long, they think they are untouchable and ABOVE THE LAW. Well I honestly thought that until I had my day in court. I will not go into details yet, but I promise you will know all the gory details. I plan to use my website as a tool. I pay for it, but it sits. It is a business account so why not educate the people. I have learned so much and the judge has justified every thing I have said since day one! The pro-bono lawyers, legal services I qualify for and umpteen lawyers I have spoke to through out my journey, ALL HAVE BEEN WRONG, and I was right! Go figure! I am not a lawyer, but I sure in hell have common sense and know what I feel cannot be legal! So far I have helped many along the way and they have escaped my nightmare by asking simple questions and getting their answers in writing! Trust me, people change their tune quick when you ask the right questions and you speak to the right people. (More on this subject later)
In any case, the bank did me wrong among many other things relating to my Dad's estate. The clock is ticking and I have other cases I need to file before the statue of limitation runs out. God has got me this far and I know He will take me all the way! Thank you Jesus for not giving up on me!
I best stop talking about this now because I need to stay in my happy frame of mind.
My bestie April and I had a wonderful day yesterday. Last night we decided to stay in and catch a movie. Plans did change a little but we made it work and it was well worth it. I love you April and I know 27 years of friendship has been the most amazing ride of my life! Thank you for being you and thank you for always standing beside me! Muah! XOXO! To say the least, I really enjoyed the Cirque du Soleil show “Worlds Away”!
I need to get closer to satisfy my appetite. Through my eyes, it's a story about love. All I could say is "Wow, that looks crazy!" Also, anything with Beatles music is great in my book. Worth a watch? Absolutely, but not if you want to watch a "movie", but if you want to watch something different, unique, and more of an "experience", any Cirque du Soleil shows will capture your imagination. These performers are simply spectacular!
I can not even imagine all the technical details involved. It can be overwhelming and an overload of information sometimes, like giving away all your tricks at once. But that is Cirque du Soleil. More is more, and more perfection each time! A fantasy circus world, combining the best team of creators with the best athlete bodies that can handle the load of the work, super human, almost extra terrestrial. In fact, during my research, Guy Laliberte, founder of Cirque du Soleil, is fascinated with the moon and has been in space himself! He definitely has one foot out of our planet. Cirque du Soleil is a sun circus, powerful yet with the dreamy imagination of the moon. I am soooo in-love. Giggles.
Interesting that after all the grand images, super human performances and superb production, what stuck to my mind after April and I went to bed, was the simple Beatles song played during credits; All you need is love. LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED, la, la, la, la, la, all you need is love, la, la, la, la, la. Oh my. Every where I go it is ALL ABOUT LOVE
Anyhow, I had three favorites. First, the man spinning inside the cube reminds me of my (oops can not tell you that). Second, the moon becoming a human fishbowl with the woman inside. This was the sexiest of all! I love my moon and miss it so much! I have been searching every night for weeks and no moon. My heart hurts because I need my moon! Sorry. See what happens when I think about the moon, I get lost. Anywho the third, parts of the final duet, where the girls dress flowed perfectly and in slow motion; a simple love tale in a fantasy world. Do I need to say more? Sigh!
Oh, and another treat I want to share with you. (Click link below fast forward to 1hr and about 5 mins) It's one thing to do these moves, it's another to do them as slowly and controlled as they do in this show. Talk about muscle exertion. It is very Sexy! These performers wouldn't be able to do anything without an amount of trust in each other far beyond our comprehension but this show is very beautiful...again it is love. Smiles.
Cirque du Soleil "Quidam" ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LjuEbO643k
If you are a fan of Cirque du Soleil shows, then Quidam is a good one for the collectors. If you liked Worlds Away, then Journey of Man should also be on your list of must haves. I am in heaven and for some sort of odd reason these shows have a way with me. I am able to relieve stress and find my way into another world! I escape my reality for a short time!
On a different note, I want to shout out to my bestie Amy and her guy Steve. Congratulations on buying your first home. Welcome to the homeowners club! Giggles! Wishing you both endless happy memories in your new home!
On a sad note, I did have a small set back today. Yesterday I extended my help to two people who really seemed desperate in receiving help. I have been cutting myself off and keeping myself to a hand full of people for my own sake and peace of mind. I am happy I did help them both and guide them to, I hope, a better world then what I am living in. Not to put too much out there, I will be back tomorrow to blog again with some very wise knowledge that every AMERICAN in the USA should know, YOUR RIGHTS!
However, I will not be giving names, only knowledge and power to help you or help someone else! Stay tuned, as I will also be sharing my story (G Rated).
I will have the full-blown truth on my new upcoming website. AWARENESS = HOPE (Helping Other People Everywhere)
My battle is still in the air but I will not go away and I am stronger than ever! Bring it on; I am so ready for round 2! Smiles!
Life would be too hard if I did not believe I was going to see you again. That was the last thing I said to you, when they told me you were gone "I'll see you in heaven".
I like to believe I felt ure hand imperceptibly pressing mine. I hope you felt me kiss you goodbye. I'm so glad you went quickly and didn't suffer. Had you lived you would have suffered, I am sure of it, and you would have hated that.
Ure funeral was amazing. You would not have believed the number of folk who turned up to see you off. I know it was exactly the way you would have wanted it. And there is a huge comfort in knowing you would have loved the service. I have to give Tracy, Scott, Gary and Michelle credit. They made sure all ure metals were on display and they took care of ure affairs when I was not able! My Mommie packed almost everything between my house and ures. My mind was somewhere out there without you.
You not being here didn't really hit me for quite a few weeks. All I could concentrate on was ure ending. I found it hard to believe you had existed at all after the events that took place after ure death. The emotional roller coaster I have been on since you been gone has been a nightmare. I still do not have all ure belongings but I promise I will fight them and do what I do best in court. I wish things would have been simple enough for me to just pick up ure cane and other personal items but they played with my emotions for weeks. I truly hope they did not do this to other families. My story, NO OUR STORY will be told, all in time!
I knew you were gone but I didn't really believe it, if you understand me. I'm not sure you would have understood that, dad, as you sometimes found what I said a bit wacky, I know. You were much more straight forward. But you would respect how I felt, I know that. Now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you've gone and it's awful. I just cry and cry and cry.
Emotionally you were my rock. You shared ure deepest joys and sorrows with me. I can count on one hand the number of times I saw you cry, and when you cried, I cried with you. Those were tender, life defining moments that are etched in my memory. I lost you, dad, from my everyday lives and ure absence is piercing. I will never hear you ask how the weather is where I am again, or hear ure voice on my machine singing in my ear, or hear ure smart remarks about the neighbor you so disliked, or listen to you sweet talking at the mail lady to see if she gets all fired up. I just feel unbearably sad.
I know it is a sadness that will change into something different over time. At the moment I am not sure what but this rawness won't last forever.
There is solace in knowing you had a good life, the death you wanted and that you are where you always believed you would be. It doesn't take away the pain, though. I miss you, dad, and no amount of consoling words can change that!
I have learned how to have more control over my emotions when to allow myself to be vulnerable and when to stay guarded. And I am okay with that. One needs to be tough, but to a certain extent. I think being in touch with my feelings and emotions allows me to express in an honest manner how I am feeling. something that many people cannot do. The toughness in me allows me to be vulnerable enough to put that out there and not really care about what the person has to say in return. As long as I am honest with myself and others, that is all that matters.
Thank you for always supporting me, regardless of whether you agreed with the choices I made or not. Thank you for giving me that good balance of parent, friend. I always knew that I could come to you to talk, but I also knew that there would be consequences for any poor decisions that I chose to make.
As it is always said, Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad! Dad, thank you for being my, Man For All Seasons. While this is Fathers Day where I publicly acknowledge you, I carry you with me every day.
I miss you, Daddy
Always & Forever, ure Daughter!
P.S. I am pissed off Daddy, watch me win the biggest battle ever, my voice will be heard, as you gave me that power. I will win and give you back what is/was ures! I promise!
As I look back on all that's happened...growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me...there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I'll truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever...and what the future holds, my todays make the memories of tomorrow.
So this is NOT goodbye, I cant cry, I cant look down at ure face and cry, because I know if the tears spill over my cheeks this time they are never going to stop.
Kneeling before you, praying to god that you are okay is one of the hardest goodbyes I have ever dealt with, I know that ure away from the pain, I know that ure happy now, I know that nothing can hurt you now, but I also know that I will never see you on this earth ever again. I will never get a chance to say goodbye and I will never get a chance not to cry.
As the days come and go and the world moves on, I know ure still here, u'll never be gone. On the night the Angel came and took ure hand, I cried as you left for an unknown land. But Heaven rejoiced as you came into sight, For ure soul was a diamond, shining so bright! I LOVE YOU DADDY!
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there...The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created, created first in the mind and will, created next in activity.
The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. May the dreams of ure past be the reality of ure future!
You never realize how much you love someone until they're gone. You never realize that, yes, once their love surrounded you but now, what do you have? Memories. Why does love hurt so much, when it's supposed to be a good thing? Why do we dwell on the past, when the future is what matters? It's something that, yeah, I guess can't be helped but, maybe it's harder for you then it is for someone else. Faint smells of cologne, a song on the radio, a movie, or a single word, these are things that bring back those memories. But you can't hide from these things, because, they're there and no matter how hard you try to, they'll always be there. Even when you have moved on to the future, and things don't trigger the memories as much as before, they still do.
You can't forget someone uve loved, you may want to, but you can't. Love cannot be forgotten, no matter how hard we try, and how much we think it will ease the pain, it will always be there, forever.
After a while you learn the subtle difference betweem holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You learn that loving doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security, and you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. After a while you learn to build all ure dreams on today because tomorrows ground is to uncertain for dreams, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn to accept ure defeats with ure head held with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child. After a while you learn to plant ure own garden and decorate ure own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, that you really do have self worth, and you can endure, and you learn and learn, with every "goodbye" you learn.
When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people... those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened
My life has changed so much. My Yoki is growing so fast. She is the smartest and most loving dog that ever owned me. She is most happy to have her brother as her neighbor, as I am. The freedom all my doggies get here is self rewarding. The tree's surround me taking my breath away with the beauty nature has to offer us. My thoughts become so clear. I am lost on the inside but I know God has a plan for me. I will just go with the flow.
The beauty of Souls guidance is that we have an internal compass that directs our lives on many levels. Even though I feel lost, Im not really totally adrift wandering aimlessly. This stress or lost emotion is a gift, an opportunity for me to get aligned. I need to go within and attune myself to this sacred navigation. I am heading to Florida this month in hopes I can actually enjoy life again. I can not wait to see my sexy sexy. Trust, you and I will have a blast g/f. Make sure ure wearing heels, smiles. I miss who I once was. I wander if I will ever find my soul again.
On that note, I wish you all well...God bless
I won't be able to simply express what you mean to me in words!
I miss you so bad right now I just want to give up, but I know that's not what you would want me to do. So I keep trying to move forward.
I'm trying to do what you would've wanted me to do, but it's hard when ure not here making me do the right thing like you used to do! I am so lost without you.
You were the ONLY person who understood me. No one else tried. It's hard to imagine going my whole life without you, but ure gone and I don't know what to do.
Always remember that I love you and watch over me.
Help me do the right things. I love you with everything in me.
Daddy, If I had my life to do over, I'd have chosen you to be my dad once more.
Even if it meant losing you again, It's worth all the tears in the world.
You were my sunshine when skies were gray. I loved you with all my heart and honored you
You took all my tears away. I was happy to be with you, Proud to be ure little girl.
Sometimes we would argue, But to me you meant the world.
Ure love was always pure. You treated me as ure own. Ure time seemed all too short and I feel so alone.
What can I take from this? My heart is completely crushed, But nothing loved is ever lost and you are loved so much.
I will always love you,
Daddy's little girl
To each and every one of you,
This entry will be my last "spilling of my personal life" to all. I am truly overwhelmed with all the love coming in and the concerns. I am touched! I did not realise how much my life has helped so many. I am certain my life will no longer be an open book. I will share some things but will keep a tight lid on things for the most part.
I must be private from here on out. I thank you for all ure concern and I do appreciate the emails coming in but please understand I have no intentions what so ever to be as open as I once was. I will however answer a few questions that have been asked, for ure closure...
At this time in my life I finally understand why I am who I am.
Once again, I learn who really is my sincere genuine truest friends. The year 2011 has brought me so much comfort so far. My eyes have been wide open. I have ended 3 friendships for good cause, Kalen, Jeff and Jason.
I much perfer to have people in my circle who are HONEST & true to themselves and these three have taken more from me than I will ever allow again. There will always be bad guys out there in the world who will try to take advantage of people's vulnerabilities. (if YOU allow it)
I am done with the lies from Kalen, Over the drama with Jeff and much need to the favor ending things with Jason. I always say,
Don't worry about tomorrow, don't think about yesterday, don't live in the future, just make it through today! Hold ure true friends with both ure hands!
The most asked question is about Jason...Well to be honest, I fell in love with the "idea" of being in a relationship, not so much of being in love with him or anyone for that matter. I think he knew I was miserable bc my lack of actions prove I was unhappy within, thats if he even paid attention (seriously)!! You can not base a future on a lie and to be frankly honest, he IS an opportunist and I deserve better, nothing more NOTHING LESS...Jason and I know what his real intent was and guess what, I out smarted him by standing my ground and following through with MY responsibilities. He had choices and he choose to take the dangerous road so in all I am thankful for seeing right through his intents and grateful for the outcome! The relationship was one way which I learned that hard lesson from my ex Ron of 3 yrs. Just happy I still had SOMEWHAT of my walls up and that I did not allow Jason's action or lie(s) get the best of me. Time is ALWAYS on ure side! It was not about me IT WAS ALL ABOUT WHAT I HAVE and thank God the truth came to surface much sooner than later. In reality I was lying to myself. I knew Jason and I were not meant for one another as I told him this before he hooked me in. He knows exactly what I am talking about and honestly if it helps him sleep at night than so be it! My gut was right about him since the beginning. I avoided him in my past (6yrs) for a reason and to tell ya the truth, my attraction to Jason was not so much as him but more so lack of companionship and giving him the "chance" HE SO WANTED, well needed for his closure. In the end, I accept less than my worth...my bad, lesson learned, NOTHING MORE!
So let's move forward,
Thank you for ure concern about Yoki, she is okay. Her heart is fine for "now"! They will keep an eye on it. Her legal name has been filed, Amaya "Yoki" Rayne. I call her Yo-Yo but in training it is Yoki.
Yoki is doing very well in her kindergarden class. She is very smart. She has 2 females who is also a retriever and one male who looks like her brother Boog. (few months younger)
I will not upload photo's of her so please respect my privacy. I have many who would like to know why I am closing the book, Just know, the last chapter has been written! You can not base a future on a lie(s)...The end!
However I will say this,
Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of ure intentions. And the actions which speak louder than the words. It is making the time when there is none. Coming through time after time after time,
year after year after year. Commitment is the stuff character is made of, the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism!
As you grow up, you learn the difference between falling in love and holding hands. Kissing doesn't always mean something, promises can be broken as quickly as they were made, and sometimes, goodbyes really are forever...
There are some things in life that are not meant to last. They just take place in our lives so we will be smarter next time.
Life is like writing with a pen, you can cross out ure past but you can't erase it!
Someday everything will all make perfect sense. so for now, laugh at confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding ureself that everything happens for a reason.
Isn't it funny that ure heart can be broken by someone that was always pretending?
Funny how when something bad happens, it's all you can think about?
Funny how bad we think we have got it, compared to others who have it worse.
Funny how ure friend can hurt you even more than ure worst enemy can?
Funny how no matter how hard we try, life will never be perfect,
Funny how many times we can be hurt the same way, and how much more it hurts.
Funny how on rainy days it is so much easier to smile,
How one fake friend, can ruin a life. (if you allow it)
Funny how ure best friend can become ure worst enemy with one mistake.
Tragedy happens, What are you gonna do?
I realize now that when ure heart gets broken you gotta fight like hell and make sure ure still alive cause you ARE and that pain you feel, thats life. The confusion and fear?
That's there to remind you that Somewhere Out There, There's something BETTER & that something is worth fighting for!
Peace to all and wishing you all the best
I will leave you with the following Unforgettable Photographs with words of wisdom I myself live by...TAKE IT TO HEART!
1. Stay out of trouble
2. Aim for greater heights
3. Stay focused on your job
4. Exercise to maintain good health
5. Practice team work
6. Rely on ure trusted partner to watch ure back. Take ure time trusting others
7. Save for rainy days
8. Rest and relax
9. Always take time to smile
10. Realize that nothing is impossible
Hello Friends, Family and Lurkers,
I am not a very articulate person when it comes to verbally expressing things that goes on inside my mind. There are voices in my head that never stop, invading me even in my sleep. I found out that the only thing to make them stop is to get them all out of my system. I write. Welcome to my blog!
Before I get into my blog subjects my Yoki goes to the vet on the 29th. Praying her heart is okay. I will update you on my facebook if ure interested. I have to tell you she is growing so fast and is so rotten. Yoki will be 3 months old on Feb 8th, my niece Megan birthday. Yoki has had her first class. I was told she is very smart and will be a fast learner, Her teacher was so right. I have a few things I can share and hopefully teach her brother...Anyhow, my world around me seems to take on its own path.
I have done a few posts on manners and respect. I find that once again this topic is something I am revisiting in my life.
A friend of mine whom I have not seen in the last 20 years reconnected with me before the holidays. I am thrilled about this. I never thought I would have the opportunity to ever speak or see him again and to know now that I can text him whenever I want is just fantastic.
Over the last two decades though, things changed in both our worlds. I know this because he called me one day and as a greeting said Hey bitch. Guilty of this myself but with a female friend, why am I so worked up over this. Now I know full well that it was not meant in the derogatory sense. I get it. I have seen this done before but with women vs women. However, it is not behavior that I condone.
I am not his female dog, nor am I anyones female dog. In the best sense this word means whining female. I am not that either. I am first and foremost a woman and a lady. As such I demand the respect that comes with both of those words.
I have self respect. I am not going to let anyone refer to me as something less than what I am. I had a father who did that for years. He would put me down as nothing more than an ignorant child or a mouthy teen. In most cases it was not warranted as I was just expressing my ideas of the world and how I felt I should be treated in it. (My donor is just that, a donor. He has NEVER treated me as his biological daughter. ftr, sad to say but his step children is treated more like his own blood, something I will be forced to deal with one day)
Moving forward, I am not saying I want people to kiss the ground I walk on, heck no. What I am saying is answering the phone to hear the name of a garden tool, or a female canine, being used in place of my own is not acceptable behavior. (I now understand that it is not acceptable for me to call my besties a bitch, I now know how it feels and it took a man to say it for me to practice what I preach) Sorry besties!
So, as inquiring minds want to know... did I say something? Heck yes. I said that that behavior was not acceptable that I do not let any man not even the ones I am closest to speak to me that way and I was not going to give him that chance either. I am a lady and as such I deserve that respect.
Did it work? Yes, for a few conversations, then it was back to it. To which I reminded this person that those words were still not acceptable. Will it work from this point on? I hope so. If not, we will be having another conversation.
What I want to know, is how did this get started? Who was the woman that said it was acceptable for them to be called a bitch? Was it like I, playing around saying whats up bitch to my besties? I do know some females who see empowerment in that word, that it means they using their feminine role to act like a man. They say if a man is successful he is honored and if a woman does the same, she is a bitch, so they look at it as a compliment.
To me, pure and simple, its not. Call me confident, call me sexy, call me smart, call me ballsy and brave, but do not call me a bitch! Okay with that said....
Tomorrow the 27th is my 2 years anniversary being smoke free...Congrats to me! I know a few people in my circle who strongly wants to make a change in their lives...Smoking may not be the only change you want to make. Quitting ANY habit is hard but you have to believe you can do anything you set ure mind toooo, and just DO IT!
Quitting has gotten a really bad rap. The Internet (and life in general) are filled with rhetoric about how bad it is to give up on something. Truth is, giving up on the wrong things is just as important as committing to the right ones. Being able to see the difference and cutting those bad pieces out of ure life can help you recover a significant amount of time and energy to pour into the good parts.
The best part? Deciphering between the two is actually really easy. If something you have committed to is making you unhappy and you can not objectively see it making you happy in the future, then it is toxic for you and you ought to quit. Ure gut feeling is more valuable than most think.
Actually quitting, though, is hard and awkward. Luckily, when you decide to quit something that is wrong for you, there are a few things you can do to be sure you actually go through with it and even get something valuable out of the process.
Below is a four-step guide to being an awesome quitter.....
1. Commit to quitting- This is the first and most important part of the whole process. We all know the danger of half assing it when we have committed to something, but it is an even bigger problem when ure trying to quit something.
This usually happens because you feel bad about giving up on something you think is important to you, but only half quitting will drag you even further down.
Make the decision to quit and stick to it. Do ure thinking ahead of time and commit to it. Otherwise, you will be stuck in a self made purgatory where something that was taking up ure time and not getting you anywhere is still not getting you anywhere and still taking up ure time.
The idea is to completely free ureself so that you can focus all ure attention on starting something new.
2. Tie up loose ends- Of course, in order to be completely free of commitments, you will probably have to do a little bit of extra work to be rid of them. Do not be afraid of that. You have made ure decision and hopefully based it on sound reasoning. Now, you want to quickly take care of any loose ends that need to be addressed before shelving the whole project.
Look for the things that could come back to bite you if you set them aside half finished. This does not mean you have to finish them. Instead, get creative about how to find an early ending point.
Remember, ure performing triage here. If it is not vital, stop doing it immediately. If it is vital and needs to be addressed, take care of it as quickly and efficiently as possible. No need to go for perfect anymore as done will do.
This is the stage where it is easy to get sucked back into the project. Tread lightly and remember why ure quitting.
3. Inform all affected parties- This is where things get a little uncomfortable and a little bit messy at times, but doing it right can be the difference between success and failure on the next thing.
Take the time to get in touch with everyone that is impacted by ure decision to quit. Be gracious and talk to people honestly and authentically. This could be team members, superiors, customers, outside stakeholders, and anyone else that has to change something they are doing as a result.
Be firm with ure decision and do not allow ureself to be sucked back in. Guilt can play a prime role in this stage, but remember that ure making the best decision for ureself and everyone else.
If you do this right, you can actually build ure reputation by showing ure good judgment and ensure plenty of support the next time you commit to something.
4. Evaluate and reflect- Once you have finally broken free from a toxic commitment, the last thing you want to do is tie ureself to another one with the same fatal flaws.
Take enough time to really look at all the factors that went into ure decision to quit and turn them into concrete warning signs that you can use in the future to evaluate new projects and commitments.
Before you jump into the next big thing, go down ure list and look for those warning signs in all the nooks and crannies. Do not be surprised if you find some. Anything you do that is important will come with some unknowns, but make sure that you can address them objectively.
The point is to be able to say to ureself, I saw this problem, and here is the plan I have to deal with it.
No matter what it is, quitting is never easy, but it is a lot more important than it gets credit for. Everyone gets trapped by something they should not be doing once in awhile. If you stay levelheaded and quit strategically, you can quickly be on ure way to doing things that really matter to you.
Well lookie at the time. I gots to run. I am heading to my bestie house for dinner so I leave you with the following, enjoy.
A Tennessee couple -- both bonifide rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed.' The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision. Why, after 9 children, would they choose to do this
The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that 1 out of every 10 children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican Baby because neither of them could speak Spanish
Hello to all,
Welcome to my first blog entry of 2011. Giggles. Hope everyone is doing well. I am doing okay for the most part. Opening my eyes to such a big world. Anyhow, my Honie girl is finally back to her old self. She had 3 teeth pulled and of course her yearly cleaning. I am happy to say, her doc took very good care of her. Ayla and Yoki seem to love one another. Honie is protecting Yoki and I think once Yoki grows up Honie will relax and not attack Ayla when Yoki and her are playing.
I like to shout out a few things to release me from these thoughts. I have been under stress these past few weeks but finally I am seeing things clearer than ever. I feel I have lifted a weight off my shoulders today but anyhow, while I am at it, I might as well tell you how it is, (ya know who you are) ...I stand by my opinion and I have expressed this opinion, very loudly, and directly. The drama never seems to end with you but as long as I continue to do my part and not feed into URE drama fest, it will end! Get a life and I bet you can find happiness within ureself! That will be the last piece of advice you hear from me.
Now allow me to fill others in who are wandering wtf...yeah I can see it on ure face as you read...the above is to a person who seems to have major issues with their own life that the thought of my life seems to be a target to some sort of a sick satisfaction to please their own ego with self destruction...
move on, I will not play! Enough said!
Okay now let's move forward shall we,
I wont mention names as ya know but I do want to put the following out there since I know ure reading today...smiles..You have always been a good friend to me and I so miss our slumber parties together and ure silly way of showing me how you care...those were the days to remember gf..heh heh heh
I don't have to tell you that relationships take work, but it helps to know the most effective ways to strengthen that commitment. Simple as it sounds, communicating daily and showing affection is what keeps romance alive! I know I have said this to you in the past but I think seeing things in black and white may be what you need.
Just letting ure partner know that ure interested in what he or she is doing helps you stay connected....
Commit with ure whole heart...Be 100% faithful, in mind and soul...Share ure life, ure heart, ure soul, and ure body with ure partner...Nourish ure relationship every day...Love ure spouse with everything you are...Communicate effectively!
1- Say 'I love you' often. This is probably the most neglected yet most important thing to do. Even if you both know how much you love each other, say it, and say it often. It gives ure relationship a whole new boost. Especially females love to hear this and this is all that they want to hear besides 'Lets go shopping!' so you men out there... this is what you want to do.
2- Study! Yes that's right, Study! Study ure partners reactions, emotions, likes, dislikes, attitude and whatever you come across because that is what is going to help you make decisions when you buy gifts, give surprises, do conversation etc and help you shoot up on ure relationship.
3- Compromise! Try to change ureself by compromising. True love is accepting the other just as they are but it is a whole lot more if you change ureself a little for ure lover and try to be how he/she wants you to be within reason. Simple respect!
4- Listen to what the other has to say. This is by two ways. (a) Listen to what ure partner has to tell you, could be how the day was spend, what he/she likes, what exciting thing happened, what he/she thinks about something etc even if it does not interest you. (b) Dont impose ure thinking or point on the other. Listen what you partner has to say in return before you make a decision.
5- Mind ure Language! Thinking twice before speaking is a good idea but thinking thrice is even better if you are already in a relationship. You would never want to say anything or use words that would hurt ure partner intentionally or unintentionally especial if ure partner is a female because they are more sensitive as compared to males. So, men, be careful with words bc us women take things to heart and once it is said YOU CAN NEVER TAKE IT BACK. The damage is done.
6- Respect each other and make each other feel important. I guess that is what either of you want. If you learn to value each other you will always be satisfied. So, if ure partner makes you feel important, would you ever care of anything else? Do it! Make each other feel out of this world (in a good way).
7- Argument rules... Never say I told you so! or bring back things from the past like you did this on that day! etc. Try to just finish off the argument and settle it. If things just go a little out of hand, a small hug will bring it all back. Do not yell or scream, TALK things through and if you find ureself not able to talk, take a walk and come back and be the adult that you are and talk things out. Communicating is the key!
8- Give gifts. Could be a simple key-ring or an expensive dress. What matters is who has given it to you. All gifts might not come in handy or might not hold any meaning but they definitely will be something ure partner will adore and remember you for rest of the life. I love when something is made instead of bought. My girls growing up would make me cards and make me little things that I still hold close to my heart today so money has nothing to do with the thought of giving.
9- Go out! Do not restrict ureself to ure offices or home. Go out with ure partner to a park, mall, restaurant or beach. A little quality time spent together with a few laughs will not only make you feel better and strengthen ure relationship but will provide you something to recall and talk about later.
10- Share! Share things with each other. Of course not solid things but feelings, emotions, experiences etc. Open ureselves up to each other. This is what will help you to get to know each other. At times there are some things that are left undiscovered even after years of relationship.
I am sure you can see why I mentioned the above. I feel like a broken record at times but now that I have said what has been said maybe you and him can be what ure wanting ure relationship to be. In any case, good luck on ure journey.
Well! That is about it. All you need to do and you will see the difference and enjoy the fruit of this wonderful relationship of love.
There ya have it. I best get my butt on the move. Peace and love to all.
Enjoy the following, Ruined KODAK Moments!
I feel like singing, Ive got sunshiiiiiiiiiiine on a clooooouuuudy daaaaaaay!
Sorry, had to get that out.
This is the last evening of 2010....To all my family, friends and visitors I would like to wish everybody a happy, healthy, prosperous and peaceful 2011!
The older we get, the more concerned we become with self improvement and New Years resolutions. Kids seem to remain blissfully free from the pressure to make major changes in a new year. We might have something to learn from them less stress, more fun but then again, I rather lead by example!
This year I vow to exercise more and worry about my weight less, be kinder to myself and tell everyone who has an opinion I dont like and did not ask for to keep it to themselves.
I like to address a few of you with the question asked in email. You ask, if my Moo bought me Yoki for Christmas, the answer is NO. I bought Yoki for a few reasons. One bc I am spoiled and Daddys girl and I always get what I want, yes I am blessed. Two, My younger brother bought Yoki brother and I wanted to rescue his sister so they could grow up with one another. I have a soft heart, cornie I know giggles and third, Honie is in pain and does not play as much and Ayla needs a playmate to calm her little ass down with Honie so in all my little Yoki has a way of bringing happiness to me in more ways then one. Yoki is my responsibilty 100%, smiles. Sorry for any confusion, With that said,
I am proud to say, I am still a non smoker, two years this Jan, 27th...although I did get drunk and smoke one cigerette BUT I DO NOT REMEMBER and I did not ask for another which could be a good thing....hmmm does that count?
I also want to answer ure concern with Jeff and I friendship. Jeff and I are no longer on talking terms bc he is just not accepting reality. As hard as it is I know things will not change with him. I am not sure what happen 5 months ago with him but I do hope he gets help with his issues. I do feel heart broken that he just can not allow himself to be just a friend to me and leave it at that but I already know what will happen if I allow him back into my world. He will continue to repeat his actions and I am no longer playing whatever game he is playing bc I know it is a choice and he chooses to force his love on me. He has known me long enough to know I do not tolorate disrespect and when I am being stressed out I will eventually remove the stress from my life. Friendship of 23 years is a long time to throw away but sometimes we need to do what we need to do when those choose to stop respecting you. Anyhow, I do miss my friend but things are best as is!
I am hoping that 2011 is better for all of us than 2010 was. I mean, it has to be, right?... Wishing you all a prosperous and successful New Year and good health with lots and lots of love!
Wow, it is sinking in, it is that time of year again! 2010 has been a real roller coaster year but in all I would not change one decision one second. I am happy the good lord gave me strength to handle the pain one person handed me!
Sometimes we get down on ourselves for our mistakes but we ought to remember what lessons they teach us and look at them as constructive experiences.
I have learned so much about myself. I am proud to be ME. I think we all wish we could erase some dark times in our lives but all of lifes experiences, bad and good, make you who you are. Erasing any of lifes experiences would be a great mistake.
I have found that life experience accounts for a great deal of ure personal wisdom. Lessons learned through trial and error build ure character, self esteem, self confidence, etc.
I know that I get wiser as I age, but imagine having 90 years worth of life experiences to draw on. Would you take advice from that person? I certainly have.
It gives us an opportunity to learn some of lifes lessons w/out going through the trials and tribulations, so I thought I would share her insights with you among other things I wish to pass along.
1. Life is not fair, but it is still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Ure job wont take care of you when you are sick. Ure friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off ure credit cards every month.
6. You do not have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It is more healing than crying alone.
8. It is OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with ure past so it wont screw up the present.
12. It is OK to let ure children see you cry.
13. Do not compare ure life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you should not be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But do not worry, God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind..
17. Get rid of anything that isnt useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever does not kill you really does make you stronger.
19. Its never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, do not take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Do not save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Do not wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of ure happiness but you.
26. Frame every so called disaster with these words, In five years, will this matter?
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of ure business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Do not take ureself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or did not do.
35. Do not audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative dying young.
37. Ure children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone elses, wed grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
45. Life isnt tied with a bow, but it is still a gift.
There is some powerful words of wisdom in that list! Did you learn anything? Which lessons rung most true with you? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below or email...on that note I will end the year with, The History of Presidential Limos...
Peace to all and God bless, much love
President Truman in the Lincoln made for President Roosevelt
President Eisenhower in 1953 Eldorado.
1950 Lincoln with first bubble top -- Eisenhower's idea
1961 Continental X100 -- Kennedy was shot in this vehicle
1972 Lincoln -- Nixon, Ford, Carter and Reagan.
1983 Cadillac -- Reagan
1989 -- Used by President George H. W. Bush
1993 Cadillac -- President Clinton
2001 Cadillac DTS -- President George W. Bush
This is dedicated to anyone who has ever had ure heart broken, even tho it does not feel like it at the time, it will definitely heal, and you will become a stronger person by the experience. So often these three little words are said too casually, and in the end, someone is left with a broken heart, it is so hard to realize that a one sided love is not good for you, no matter how much you would like a certain person to love you, if the love is not there, it cant be made to be, a one sided love will only damage ure self esteem, and make you unhappy, so let go, even tho it is hard to do.
If you really love someone ... then there is nothing that you or someone else can do to make you "stop" loving that person, as we all know love is blind and deaf too, we only see and hear what we want too, I dont think that one can love too much, but I do think that one can try to show love in unhealthy, even destructive ways, especially if the relationship is out of balance, let that person know that you care and love him very much, but until he is willing to take responsibilities, you are not going to see him or tolerate his selfish behaviour anymore, in order for him , to be with you, he has to feel the need, if you are always there for him , he doesn't have to change a bit, dont let him play guilt trips either, you dont owe him anything, if anything, he owes you, I can only recommend for you to move on, if you truly care for him and love him its for his and ure own good, he has to realize, if he wants ure love, hes got to respect ure feelings as well and not just his own ... I and many others have been in ure shoes ... No matter what you decide I am behind ure decision 100%. I know it takes a lot to to build a strong foundation in a relationship.
You need to ask ure self if his actions are worth all the suffering and pain he has brought to ure table? Is it truly love when another has no respect for you by putting his hands on you or talking down to you as if ure a no body. We must remember that respect is earned. So what IS respect? Respect from a man or from any person for that matter! happens when you believe another person has value to bring to the table! Or when you have something of value to bring to the other person. This could be in many different forms. As feminine women, we want respect from the best kind of men. From men who respect themselves, and are, basically, good men! There are men out there who simply wont give respect or anything at all! These men are the egocentric type. I will talk more about that at a later date.
So where does femininity come in to all of this? The highest level of respect from a man a gentleman who is masculine, comes when you are not afraid to be a woman. It comes when you become a fantastic caring mother, wife/girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend, etc. This respect comes because you are embodying who you are at ure core, and most of all, it comes because it allows men to be men! It gives them the freedom to feel like men. I know you have probably heard it before, but true femininity is all too rare!
At a very basic level, (taking out the idea of femininity) respect is earned when you hold ureself to a very high standard. And do what you do with passion, with consideration for others, and with integrity. If you do more than anyone else can possibly expect of you ... you will earn respect.
More importantly, you must be comfortable in ureself, and be authentic, not fake. It is important that you are not afraid to be unique and do not need the approval of other people for who you are and what your beliefs are. A woman should still be able to hold her own with a man and stimulate him.
I have said, above, that respect comes when you can bring value to the other person. So, a man can respect any woman who brings value to the table, but if you want to be respected as a feminine woman, and be respected more than he respects anyone else, it is the feminine value that you can bring to him on top of other things that really brings it to the next level. So, men can respect women as human beings, but men can also respect women as feminine souls at the same time as respecting women for all the other things they can bring to the table.
If ure really thinking about going ure seperate way, read the following reasons that I decide when I know it is time for me to break up ...
if you cant be ureself with ure partner ... you cant trust ure partner ... you sense the differences in values, beliefs, and life goals ... you feel that the relationship is smothering you emotionally, socially, or spiritually ... consuming all ure time and energies with work, hobbies, errands and chores instead of focusing on ure relationship ... up till this point is all about communication...I believe the relationship can be saved but it takes two to want it and two TO PUT THE SAME AMOUNT OF WORK AND EFFORT to build a strong foundation...Now if ure in an emotionally, physically, or abusive relationship! or lack of or no communication than get the fuck out!
The last four has driven me to walk away from my exes for reason I know I deserve better and I believe in my heart I should never settle for less than my worth! So yes a relationship is work but there is NO difference between ure love and my love and the bible's love...in order to love another there is no doubt you must respect that person and by doing so means ure respecting the love you both have between one another. Respect goes a long way and without it, what do you really have?
Love is love, and no matter what ure belief is or where it came from IT IS ALL THE SAME when it comes to respecting one another!
Love, Trust, Respect are the three keys to a relationship. Without these you are in lust!
And ure with that person for the wrong reason's!
In my opinion if you find ureself in any of the above...Do not make excuses for ure partner ... Just get out!
No respect ...
If you dont respect me you cant treat me in a respectful and dignified way, than you cant love me, love requires them, they are what keeps you from doing or saying things that can never be fixed when times are rough or there is an argument, besides if you keep hanging around someone you have no respect for as a person it will turn to disgust and resentment, it will never turn into love, understand that love is more than a feeling of pleasure, Love is also an emotional investment, anger is an inevitable feeling in any relationship, but you have to know how to use the energy of anger solve problems in effective ways, to turn upsets into opportunities, Love is a liability which requires commitment, it is all about sacrifices and faithfulness, Love is not always about happiness, it is a pain in its own and it is only love which is the best drug for it
Respect is ... listening without interrupting, taking others feelings into consideration, keeping an open mind, agreeing to disagree, trying to understand others viewpoint, loving ureself, trust and honesty, giving each other space, nonviolence, direct communication, building a person up instead of tearing them down, friendship, not pressuring the other person ... TRUST and Communication is the upmost respect...PERIOD!
Ask ureself, Have you tried basing ure relationships on love and found that something is not quite working? Maybe you end up as friends, but not lovers? Maybe you feel a fondness for each other, but not too much else?
Perhaps love in itself is not enough. Perhaps it takes more for someone to be attracted to us as a potential partner. Behaving in lovable ways may help some people be attracted to us a friend, but it is not necessarily enough to create that special spark.
It all depends on what we mean by love. For many people, love shows itself as behavior that is kind, caring, and supportive. But, what about Tough Love? Maybe that too has a place even in romance.
Appreciation is obviously not the same thing as excitement. We appreciate kindness, but it is not exciting. If a potential partner is looking for some excitement in a romantic relationship, they are more likely to be attracted to someone who challenges them than someone who is only kind to them. The best thing is to offer both.
Being able to give people a positive challenge can be very good for a relationship, or potential relationship.
A positive challenge means not letting people get away with behavior that is not respectful of you or others!
Well lookie at the time. I will close and leave you with the following,
Peace and much love...giggles
I have a few things weighing on my mind. I best warn you I think I will blab on and on so let me begin with how my Honie is doing. She is my sheltie for those who are new to my blog. I took her to the vet and it is not good news. Her left hip/upper leg is very swollen and the x-ray shows her to have severe arthritis. When she was a puppy she was hit by a truck who took off, COWARD THAT HE IS...karma will catch up to them but anyhow she is now on pain meds for the remainder of her life with a joint med and another to help slow down the process of the arthritis. I was told arthritis in animals is worse pain then when we have arthritis pain...still wandering how people know that but anyhow,
Honie must have an x-ray once a month since she is now more in likely going to have bone cancer in that hip/leg, in the near future. The vet said it will hit her fast so keeping an eye on her monthly is the best we can do for her at this point. The vet said she can give me more information once we wait a month and take another x-ray to see how fast it is progressing. I know I am being selfish but I believe she still can live a healthy and happy life with 3 limbs when it comes to that time. As long as I can keep her medicated and comfortable I think she can be a happy doggie.
I will keep you updated. Okay let me get to the blah blah blah ... I finally watched a cartoon. I did watch Shrek once but I really do like Tangled 3D. It was yet another love story. I know I seem to be surrounded by all this lovie dove love non sense..lol ...Anyhow, I finally saw The Warrior's Way and it was okay. I love the fighting with swords, it was hot believe it or not. Anywho, tonight I am going to watch The Tourist and I am taking my Mommie to see The Black Swan this week..giggles (thats if it hits the theaters here) Moving on to what my heart seeks.....
My babies are all grown up and maybe for the most part I am having trouble dealing with the fact that both of my girls dont need Mommie anymore. Maybe that is a good thing for most people but for me I think I am in need for them to reach out to me so this blog is dedicated to both of my daughters to allow me to cut the umbilical cord and set MYSELF free. I always said I still have things to tell them so allow me to ramble off and do just that.
My mommy job requires that I remind you of two essential things:
Nothing ruins your life forever. NOTHING but drugs.
Nothing ruins your life forever. NOTHING but drugs
I know I have told you both the right and wrong and this and that while growing up so let me just give you a reminder so it is never to be forgotten.
DO THE RIGHT THING. People sometimes lie to themselves and say that they dont know what that is. Its not hard, its common sense. What is sometimes hard is actually doing the right thing because there will be times when doing wrong will be easier or will help you somehow. Trust me that this will only hurt you in the long run. Do what you know is right.
BE GOOD TO PEOPLE AND BE THERE FOR THEM. Not because it will help you but because its the right thing. It is true, of course, that if you are there for people in their worst moments, many of them will be there for you. But the real reward will be in the way you feel, knowing that you helped somebody out. Along with this idea is another: PROTECT THE WEAK AND DEFENSELESS. Because they need you most. Ure efforts are their own reward.
BE HONEST WITH URESELF FIRST, THEN BE HONEST WITH OTHERS. The one person in the whole world that you cannot lie to is you. There will be times when you want desperately to convince ureself of something that you know is not true, usually so you can do the wrong thing. Dont do it. The person who will suffer in the end is you. If being honest with ureself means you take a few lumps, take them. The lumps you get from lying to ureself are the kind that can hurt you forever. Dont go there. If you are honest with ureself, you can then be honest with others. This is important too. If you dont tell people the truth, they will stop believing what you say, then you will be alone.
NO ONE SAID LIFE IS FAIR. Many times life is unfair. But that is the test of life. When a good person is faced with an unfair situation, what do they do? Do they run and hide, ignore? Do they scream and protest? Do they abuse other people for their own gain? Actually, a lot of people do those things. You will see those people and you will consider doing them ureself. Dont. Here is an option. Stand up on ure feet, face the situation and do the best you can. Sometimes it will work out, sometimes it wont. But when the day is over, ure conscience will be clear and you will actually feel good about ureself for getting through it. The hiders, screamers and abusers will spend their time lying to themselves about how everything is really OK.
LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCES OF OTHERS. My Great Grandmother taught me this one. There will be times when you are convinced that you know what is right and then someone else will tell you not to do it because they have had that experience before. Listen to them. You may still decide to go on and do it anyway, but at least you can let their words guide you. I have found that these people are right nine times out of ten. Why suffer through something when you dont have to? There were times when I was a teenager when my Mom would warn me that if I did something, I would end up getting hurt. At the time I thought my Mom could not possibly know what she was talking about but it turned out she was right. I tried not to let it happen again and each time I listened to her it turned out she was right then too. Let words of caution from people who love you be enough for you as well. I do understand in order for us to learn from an experience we must experience it and feel it to understand it. I saved myself a lot of heartache by learning from others mistakes but in my reality I still had to live through (some) the experience in order for me to understand and learn from my choices/mistakes.
NEVER STOP LEARNING. I will let you in on a little secret. Books is ure education and although ure no longer in school, still pick up those books and continue to learn. Living ure life is all about learning and growing. Funny how life works, isnt it? So here is the thing. The world is too complex for anyone to ever know it all. People who claim to know it all are idiots, dont listen to them. A wise person understands that someone can study a lifetime and still be only scratching the surface of all there is to know. This is because every question that you ask and have answered leads to two or more questions, which leads you to more until you realize that you have no clue. That is OK, the point isnt to know everything, its to keep growing as a person. Keep asking the questions and avoid the people who claim to have all the answers and you will be fine. When life has you down, pick ureself up and move forward. There is nothing in this world you can not do.
JUDGE PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE, NOT FOR WHAT SOCIETY SAYS THEY ARE. Our society likes to put people in groups. Do not ever judge someone! I will leave the judging to God so as always, I will pass this on as URE CHOICE!
Give every person a chance to prove to you who they really are. The world is full of people, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Christian, Jew, Muslim, agnostic, liberal, conservative, straight, gay, they speak different languages, they wear different clothes, they come in different sizes. Any single one of these people may turn out to be the person who saves ure life, or puts a smile on ure face, or shows you an act of kindness or becomes ure friend for life. It could just as easily be the person who looks and acts exactly like you that betrays you and kicks you when ure down. Dont be fooled by appearances and dont buy societys lie that all members of any group of people is a certain way, you need to give each person a chance.
IF LIFE KNOCKS YOU FOR A LOOP (and it will from time to time), take some time, pull ureself together, then get up, dust ureself off and GET AT IT AGAIN. The world allows everyone a moment of despair, but it does not tolerate quitters. So dont quit. Resuming life is the best way to recover from adversity anyway.
SHOULD YOU STRAY FROM THE PATH, ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO COME BACK. This is not an invitation to ignore these ideas. I really believe that if you follow them that you will be a happier person. But should you screw up, all is not lost. You can start again. It will take time for people to believe that you really have changed but eventually they will. Hunker down and start doing the right thing again and people will see that you are for real.
ENJOY LIFE. It is filled with good and bad, and that is what makes it interesting. How you handle each situation is how you will be measured by ureself and others. Money will not guarantee happiness. Power will not guarantee happiness. There are plenty of rich and powerful people who are miserable. If along the way you make some money and achieve some power, then good for you. Just dont forget, those things didnt make you a quality person, you did.
Inspire and teach others, but never stop learning from the examples before you. You have the desire to meet the world on ure own terms and I never doubt that you will. Ure acceptance and willingness to see others for who they are is what the world should be shaped upon. I see you with the skills, determination, and balance to be truly successful and happy!
I love you both very much and I know you really don't need me to tell you this stuff AGAIN.... but as ure Mommie, its my job. You are my greatest source of pride and my greatest hope for the future. There is nothing to hold you back, except ureself!
Find ure way, live ure truth, always see beauty and remember I am not to far away.
Move on - always look forward.
It is ok to look back once and a while, but do NOT live in the past. You can visit pity city for a short time, but after a while you have to leave it all behind and walk on
Ure heart is ure best compass...smiles
Much Love to you
I best close so I will leave you with the following...
Full Disclosure....It's The Law
SEASONAL Cartoons 'smiles
Hope all is well in ure world, mine has been a dream for the most part. I am closer to ending my summer. On October 21, I flew to California to visit my BFF Tina. The flight there and back was long and trying at times but in all a very beautiful and relaxing adventure...
Oh my where shall I start...I know some of you have asked in email if I have hugged my tree..well yeah silly, that was the very first thing I did once I landed...
well I did go to the grocery store so I could have some yum yum giggles. I only spent $197.21 during my stay which is a lot cheaper than I would have spent at home cooking for me and me friends is healthy and entertaining to me...smiles. We did treat ourselves to a one night out to Outback. My all time favorite restaurant. yummy for my tummy. Hagerstown's Outback still is number 1# in my book.
I played bonko Wednesday night for the first time, very fun and I might add, a very interesting night. Every where I looked I seen my palms, very tall and some very little and fat, I just love Cali, yeah ya know my trees is heaven to me giggles
The boys were on my mind. Everywhere I looked I felt my grandsons and my babies would love to see this. I know that every year (June-July) I am taking my girls and grandsons to Ocean City and maybe a few days elsewhere just as family time. Somehow I have to come up with a plan to make it happen (again) in a timely manner but this time we will have all with us. I am still waiting to take Jamie out since he was not able to join us.
I so missed my girls. I know they missed me. Nevaeh was a bit pissed at me for the first week. She holds a grudge longer than I, giggles. She has not played in her gym since I left so being cooped up for 2 weeks is not making my birdie happy...aww, poor little girl...lol
I got to go to the big city. Had many things planned out during my visit but I mostly just wanted to sit still since all I do at home is run which I have came to the conclusion to nip that in the bud. I kinda enjoyed the laid back, reading and relaxing which I really did need to do, it allowed me healing time. I believe I can give 2 days a week to pamper Vickie, anyhowzer on that note, enough small talk, enjoy the 751 images from, Grizzly Peak, Coit Tower, Marine Headlands, Riverview Lodge, Seal Rock at the Ocean Beach in San Francisco, The Fairy Building and Antioch CA. The world is just so beautiful when ya open ure eyes to see what it has to offer. Just plain beauty and in all, an over power feeling of peace.
Oh I best talk about the future. I never in my life thought I would have to pay to go to the bathroom and have a time limit to do my business in. Yep, believe it or not, it cost 25 cents to use the public bathroom which is a one person time machine. I took 2 pictures for you to have a looksie. I hate to think I got the experience of what is to come. I did not like that experience what so ever. I am still stuck on a time limit and I assume once ure 20 minutes is up THE DOOR OPENS FOR ALL TO SEE. It has a automative door, like Jetsons. lmao! I am so not ready for a change like this...I am always thinking outside of the box. yuck
During my visit in San Francisco I took many pictures. I even got a few snap shots of the crookedest street located on Lombard Street in San Francisco I can say I experienced that road...it is pretty driving down the steep hill with all the pretty flowers...me is a part of history. Smiles
Read here for more info on the crookedest street in San Francisco
The birds look bigger and brighter if that is even possible. I met Bert and Romeo. See my album. Very beautiful creatures. I guess I was seeing everything as if it were my first time, well some things were my first time but as ya know Tina and I get together bi-yearly, now I owe her one more flight to California since she came here 2 times in a row. I honestly rather be where my palms are anyhow. I think I will do 5 days instead of 2 weeks, giggles My babies are getting older and I think my absents took a toll on my doggies and friends for that matter. I got snap shots of Tango having some red wine. Tango loves it and he is too funny
The boardwalk at the bay was so beautiful and alive. It is nothing like Ocean City. I must tell you it was an adventure. The views were amazing. I have seen so many things in a short time period. I really feel my soul is blessed with many pleasures.
I even got shots of Alcatraz Island. Cool beans... lmao
I am still very stun with the events that took place the early morning Tina and I left for the airport. While getting gas, my gurl was so upset that she left the gas pump in the tank and the hose broke off as she drove off to another pump b/c the attendant did not know what he was doing IMO, remind you this is at 330am. She tried to tell the attendant that it broke but the man did not speak very good english let alone understand it. I am not even going to go there so let me leave that thought alone. We arrived to the airport in one piece. This damn truck would have got us good but Tina and her quick thinking saved the day, well our ass.
anyhow, as I sit here waiting patiently on my bestie to pick me up, I have tons of thoughts running through my head. I wont blog about it for personal reasons but it does not mean I wont talk about it offline.
I have 751 images to share with you, check them out in my photo album, link above and scroll to bottom and click on California vacation. I did have a wonderful time with my bestie. I sure did miss everyone and everything in my world, now I know how my teen felt when she left her zoo to see me. Two weeks is a bit much. It makes me feel even more blessed to know that I am loved and blessed to have the life that I live, even my little furry friends depend on my love. giggles
I had many issues I finally laid to rest. I am still dealing with a few today but I do pray everyday that all will work out in the end and for goodness sake I am human so allow me to cope in my way.
I am happy single (9 months in a few days) but I do miss the feeling of a man touching me. Good things do come to those who wait. I know I can and will control my desire. I dont plan to have sex in my near future. I am taking a few years to discover me and thats that! My next partner will be on the same page as I and I will know it because I will feel it.
I want to thank my Tina and Mike for their hospitality. I already miss you and me Halo and Angel, oh a wittle Sneaky.
Since I been home I have been on a cooking spree. I made my homemade spaghetti and meatballs the night before. After eating my dish I can promise, you will never eat from a jar again. I make my own special sauce and it is to die for. Last night I had my Chicken breast w/spicy peanut sauce. I am all ready to make my bq meatballs for a sub night. I think I will triple my batch this time and freeze for future munching. It takes about 11 hours to cook them to perfection. I best go and get dinner started. Pork chops with sweet potato. Hmmmm, very yummy and healthy! I am still losing weight but I see a difference with not walking these past few weeks. Glad I am back on my schedule.
Last night I watched the new movie, Due Date. A very funny movie. Tonight I am going to see RED. I was disappointed when I watched Life As We Know It. I will leave that thought alone, I am sure you will figure it out
Looking forward to winter. I am thinking about putting my tree up early this year. I am in the mood to decorate me inside and out...smiles
Well I best close this so I wont be late for my appointment.
I send you all good vibes ure way. God bless and peace out....smiles
I will leave you with these thoughts, enjoy
Unbelievable! The company (don't know who at the moment) is planning a
production run of about 100 vehicles.
Sits on a Corvette C6 chassis, front styled like a 57 Chevy, side like a
58, rear like a 59. Hence the designation "789"
Recently, I had the pleasure of going for dinner with one of the most insightful people I know. We only see each other once every few month but every time we get together I leave feeling incredibly uplifted and inspired....
We got onto an interesting topic last time we got together the past and how we have the tendency to hold onto it.... My cousin Nikki also just brought this topic up on facebook so she also inspired me to write this blog.....
People always say the past helped them become the person they are today... I do not think there is anything wrong with that the past can be full of hardships and mistakes as well as growth deepening of relationships and happy memories... Of course the past helps us become who we are today... But there is a difference between allowing it to shape who you are and allowing it to define who you are...
We all have the choice between looking back on past experiences and archiving them in the vault of memory, or pinning them to our proverbial jackets for all to see in every walk of life
All sorts of things can happen to us throughout life, and unfortunately as often as there will be people to lift you up and enrich your life, there will be people who hurt you.... They may be deliberate or they may be completely unintentional but they can fester in the mind and take over a lifetime if you choose to let them...key word, LET THEM....
But there is something incredibly powerful when you come to the realization that you are choosing to perpetuate those stories you tell ureself, and you can choose to close the door.... When you realize that you have had the choice all along to either be defined by the past or keep it where it belongs... The past definitely shapes who we become but it does not need to accompany us day in day out telling us who we are....
When you realize you alone have the power over those stories it can be as simple as closing the book... Storing it on a shelf somewhere always there but up high and out of immediate sight instead of carrying it everywhere, a heavy weight dragging down on the soul. Choose how much credit you give those stories, and ask ureself if they are really worth perpetuating.... Choose to learn from the past and then to let it remain there.... Choose whether you want to limit ureself by others definitions or to let go of them and set ureself free.... None of us need be a slave to stories...I can go on and on but time is running out....
On that note let me also mention I had a wonderful time and an amazing experience on my hot air balloon ride. I took many pictures so check out my photo album. I think it was 179 images. yeah I am to lazy to go look. lol, I also enjoyed the Steelers and Ravens football game on the 3rd. It was fun to share a moment with someone who is very close to my heart. He had a good time too and I even think he will go with me again if I ask but the only down fall is the lying. I do not agree with that but it is his choice and his path to make things right. One day he will grow up and understand that he and only he can and should rule his life as he wishes and not what others wish b/c they have yet to understand what life is all about when destruction is their only future. It saddens my heart that people in his circle rather see him lie then please them with his happiness. It is a shame that there is folks out there that rather have their happiness come before their own children, that is just sad, a very sad life in deed.
Anyhowzer, I am in the mist of saving for next year season pass. It is worth every penny to be there in person to see a true game unfold. I love it and I am hooked! Ravens kicked ass...GO RAVENS GO!
I have received a few emails about why I have not blogged. I will say life has been so busy for me as of late. I have been enjoying my bestie Jeff. He truly has made a difference in my life. I am blessed to have good friends in my circle, ya know we are coming up on 23 yrs of friendship. I planned something special for him. Jeff has been good to me and I will also say, he has been a true friend to me over the years. I am hoping the gift I bought him arrives in time before I leave for California on the 21st but if it does not than I will have to use my back up plan when I return in November. My life is amazing and I love to live every moment in bliss. I am truly blessed to be ME
Well I will leave you with the following. I hope to find time to blog again before I go to California. I have more to tell but little time to tell it. Smiles
Peace and much love to all, xoxoxox
You will not be able to know what is ahead of you,
until you have seen at least four pictures and read the explanation of what they are. Our future is here!
Look closely and guess what they could be...
Are they pens with cameras?
Any wild guesses? No clue yet?
Ladies and gentlemen... congratulations!
You have just looked into the future...
yep that's right!
You have just seen something that will
replace ure PC in the near future.
Here is how it works:
In the revolution of miniature computers,
Scientists have made great developments
with bluetooth technology...
This is the forthcoming computers you can carry within ure pockets
This pen sort of instrument produces
Both the monitor as well as the keyboard
On any flat surfaces from where you can carry out functions you would normally do
on ure desktop computer.
Can anyone say, Good-bye laptops!
Looks like our computers are out of date...
Wow I so neglected my blog and I am just realizing it...Keep me in check people...Anywho, happy Wednesday to all or shall I say happy hump day...giggles...Here it is after midnight...well 44 minutes into a new day
...My mood was all over the place yesterday ... As I said much earlier in the week I have plenty to blog about...This could be a long one but I will try to keep it short, yeah right, well we will see....lol...
To start this entry off, my Father called me yesterday morning and said words I never want to hear again...
THE CHILLING WORDS, "Vickie I need you to get me to the ER"...first if you knew my dad, HE HATES DOCTORS and when I need to get him to his appointments I fight him every time so I knew he was in serious need of my help and foremost, will he be okay following with, the first 20 minutes was going to be heartache to What is, What will, What if???
In good news, my Daddy is okay, I think. He is dehydrated so I told him since he refused to stay for the ct scan he must drink a lot of water once getting comfy back home..I am glad I took him though...His sugar was 85 and his complaints of the pain on his right side of his stomach is now at ease but with little understanding on why he had sharp pains in the first place. No answers to how you can prevent it...or what to do if it happens again. I even addressed my father not sleeping nights and his ongoing headache that last days...still nothing
The VA hospital did not really help me or him IMO...I take that back, they gave him a sandwich 10 minutes b4 dad wanted to be released, things could have gotten worse....after they recieved all his bloodwork back dad was just ready to leave ...his side pain was gone after injected with Toradol...I think that is the spelling...Dad did release himself b/c he felt his doctor who we could barely understand her english was not understanding, well she understood but we really didnt...I was in need of headache medicine just trying to keep up with his treatment.
His doctor did relieve him of his pain but didn't really understand the rash on his stomach or what will be done for it. I did understand his Dr. wanting to do a ct scan although she said it is more inlikely from being diabetic and prone to stomach acid issues. Dad was getting ancie and he felt nothing else was happening but sitting there so he signed himself out even after his doctor told him the first time around about the CT scan which she really didnt show concern. He was ready to go after waiting forever for the 4 bloodwork test to come back from the lab and I did not fight him when he wanted to leave. Please pray for my father and his health.
I am sure the day my father passes, I will not be seen for a long time. There is only a few who will be able to handle me so I pray when that day comes I will be strong enough to get through those moments and the person(s) who I believe will be my strength, my rock, will have the energy to be there for me in my most vulnerable time of needs. I pray I am blessed to have decades of quality time to spend with my father, my children, my grandbabies, my life!... They are my world!
With that said,
I believe in mental health days. That is when you do something just because it sounds like fun. It is even better when it turns out to be so much fun that you cannot wait to go back. Hershey Park was a blast. I did ride all the rides but a few of the water rides. a FEW WERE SHUT DOWN UNTIL NEXT YEAR, WHAAA..I was so upset at 6 pm when I realised the park closed 3 hours early. I really did think it closed at 11pm but I still had everything but one thing checked off my list. Time ran out on me. I really wanted to see the Chocolate Factory. I have the date of May 11, in my blackberry so next year I shall start off with the CF and than ride me rides that I gave stars tooo...go me...smiles...Before I go any further I want to spread the word of the power of giving....Remember on Sept 11th in the ticket line, the man handed me a free $52.00 ticket...well this trip, the 26th, a man ask me if I wanted a ticket for 20 bucks...of couse I said yes so I took a picture of the ticket...When I got home I noticed the ticket said 42.00 and was prepaid and again the ticket was only 20 bucks...well anywho, we both won and that day no matter what that ticket saved 32.00 no matter how you look at it....my point, share, open ure heart to others and allow the healing to begin and the blessings to flow...okay, I getting back on track...
I have added 212 shots from this trip...I noticed I took more pics of me this time compared to Sept 11, my trip 15 days earlier to Hershey. Anyhow, check them out here...
Well I am so excited that this Sunday I will be screaming go Steelers...The funny part of it all, the person I am taking with me loves the Ravens, well he has been a fan since I known him...smiles
I on the other hand will be cheering the Steelers on in memory of Scott. I know for sure if he were alive he would be at this game. I know I close my eyes knowing, Scott will make life in heaven just as tremendous as he had made it here.
My secret guest has no clue I am for the other team so this will be fun within itself...hah hah hah,
I will say my secret guest has a piece of my heart and although I am not able to reveal who he is, I know and he knows is all that matters...We will live it up...
I want this experience for him to be tremendous and the most memorable of his entire life. Well besides having his own offspring...
All respect in the world to him...I love you! Message to all, spread the love, treat your loved ones to an experience they will never forget....
Moving on, Most of you know my hot air balloon ride was rescheduled to this Saturday, Oct 2nd...The wind was not suitable...Mike said it will happen, I just have to be patient with mother nature I suppose....Is that possible...lol
anyhowzer I want to share my movie thoughts...As you know I love my movies...In the last month I have watched the following movies....I will add my opinion
(a must see, TITS & ASS, LOVED IT) ....PIRANHA,.... (STUPID) EXORISM,
(LOVE IT) WHAT IF, ....(STUPID) THE AMERICAN,
(Good) EAT PRAY LOVE,...... (Love it) YOU AGAIN ....
(Awesome) EASY A .........(AWESOME) DEVIL
(good) THE TOWN .......(AWESOME) THE LOTTERY
.....and there is a few in between I cant even remember right now, I plan to watch the upcoming movie, BURIED and another one I think will be good, Case 39, Life as we know it which will be funny and dont forget about, My Soul To Take ...I am scared already...lol....I need to move on lol... it is getting late, well damn, where did the time go...between phone and my other little interuptions I best close now...I didn't realize the time...oops...I am going to have to make a special blog here after my balloon ride and the football game...
I am planning a week vacation before xmas to Disney World....I am so ready for this adventure and I have been told we will have to go many times to get the full affect of what Florida has to offer you....Stay tune for I plan to take amazing shots as if you were tagging along...I love sharing my experiences...giggles
I will end this blog with a simple thought for you to digest...
Peace and God Bless to all...much love
A friend sent me these truisms. I was surprised when, at each one I thought, that is so true! I thought I share since that is the person I am...heh heh heh
1. I think part of a best friends job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize youre wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didnt want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I cant remember the last time I wasnt at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just arent going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I dont want to have to restart my collection again.
13. Im always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. Do not machine wash or tumble dry means I will never wash this ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didnt answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of any importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some peoples phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option
21. Sometimes, Ill watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. Even when opportunity knocks, you still have to get up off your seat and open the door.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say What? before you just nod and smile because you still didnt hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. Theres no worse feeling than that millisecond youre sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
31. Sometimes Ill look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey but Id bet my all that everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
Welcome to my world...I love summer! The time of the year when we feel at our peak of physical, emotional, and spiritual grandeur. Summer is when we are all rushing to do what we must to ready for the leaner times of the year...The splendidly long days cant help but motivate us to activities that we spend the rest of the seasons
May ure summer be bountiful and the joys of life full!
I have added the photos from Hershey Park. I got some amazing shots!...check them out if you have not... http://www.vickiewebsite.net/Hershey-Park_2010.html
Yesterday I found myself chewing all of this upsetness like a bone in my mind. Im also PMSing, and that made things even lovelier.
People love to judge....too feminist. not feminist enough. too outspoken. not outspoken enough. too intellectual. too dumb. too glam. too underdressed. too funny. not funny enough. too inappropriate. too safe. wrong kind of funny....blah blah blah blah, etc. I do not write in my blog to make you happy...I only write for my happiness and if you do not like what I write then by all means do not read it...It is my life and my opinions...I do however respect ure opinion, try respecting mine in return!
I know many people have their issues...the difference is I BLOG ABOUT MINE...This is something Ive had to learn to live with since I choose to have my life as an open book. FOR THE RECORD, it is all good!
To get clear, I always have to stop, dig deep within myself and ask:
were my intentions good? could I really stand behind them? was anybody really harmed? if Ive actually harmed someone (and the harm isnt just a drama in their heads), have I owned my responsibility?
When I quiet myself down and find the answer within myself, thats the most important one. It speaks louder than the voices outside my head and the anonymous voices on the internet....it is to this voice you must listen, or ure FUCKED.
Talk about f-in drama...Some people feed to survive on drama as I just want to avoid it. It is sooo a waste of energy and to be honest, a waste of time. Ya know if you took all that energy and put it to GOOD use you could crawl out of the hole you buried ureself in. Again you can kiss my Irish ass...The peeps in my circle BUILD ME UP and anyone who dares to keep me down, is no friend of mine!
My lilly white ass is tickled pink with the thought that you would think I would even react to ure non-sense let alone give you what you want...it is sickning that you think the world is ure stage!
It is such childish behaviour so I will say no more but three words, "Get a Life"... the end!
My final thought on this blog is in black and white. I am done playing the f-in games people feel the need to play. Life is way to short to have immature people TRY to waste my time...Have a great life and grow the fuck up!
On a happy note, I leave you with a fish story and maybe a smile
Caught 1-1/2 miles offshore while fishing!
(after the fires in Southern California.) Look what the fires brought! See something out in the water in front of the white boat?
What is that?! Look in the middle.
Can it be, really! Look 1/3 down.
It's a DEER! Son of a gun!
Caught without too much of a struggle? Poor little girl!
And she seemed very glad to be on board. No doubt!
She was sooo tired and was glad to get into the boat and rest! And yes, she was turned loose when they got back to shore. Just try beating this Fish Story!
Howdy, Friends, Family! & Those who I do not know but do peek at my blog, I call you my lurkers whom I welcome, Happy Sunday!
Im back to the blog (I missed you, heh heh heh). I got in so late last night that I just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep but instead I slept on my couch to avoid yet another battle of unneeded useless stress. Need I say more ;-(
I have at least a handful of things that I like to unload on ya....most is very cheerful...First,
I want to share something that may or may not be an importance to you...I like giving when I am able tooo, when I have, I GIVE!... It makes me feel good on the inside to create a smile! It fills my heart with joy when I am responsible for bringing a little happiness into someone's life...
I love giving, as long as I remember, even as a young child, Mom says, I have always loved to give. I am sure Tina R can relate giggles. Miss you Tina...I miss the days we would run around in ure room in the dark trying to catch one another...I do miss the freedom of being a child.
Bare with me I am getting to my point.
A few days ago at AC&T when I gave the man 10.00 and said lunch is on me, anyhow my blessings came back to me in Pennsyvania.
I do not give to recieve something in return. I can say, for some reason, things happen and do come back to me. I feel I am blessed.
Yesterday, I was standing in Hershey Park ticket line and a man walked up to me and HANDED ME his ticket. The first word out of my mouth was I, and than I just said thank you...The first thing that crossed my mind is the smile I put on a strangers face a few days before and now my kindness has just gave me a smile in return.
I know that the good lord works in myserious ways, I am filled with so much love on the inside that it becomes an addiction...a very good addiction in deed giggles...
Anywhoz, I had a lot of fun at Hershey Park...I have almost 200 pictures to share...I took a lot of me heh heh heh...I will add them sometime tomorrow after I finish these recipes for my friend.
I think Jeff had to much fun...he was more of a kid than I...Although I had my face painted. I need to scan the two ride photo's which I might add are very funny..A picture does say it all...(u will see what I mean when you see the shots) I did not wait in line for any rides.
I recieved a bracelet that I showed the Hershey operators and they just put me and whomever is with me on the next ride. I did apologize a few times b/c one girl had said a smart remark and I just responded with kindness b/c I know they had to wait a few hours for a ride that last 30 seconds.
This year a little has changed. Now we recieve a booklet that has 9 rides listed that the operaters fill out time slots for boarding. It is a few of ure major rides but for the most part it was simple and I did make plans as usual. I like the change!
I found the Fahrenheit to be my favorite of all rides. I got on the comet, Great Bear, Reese's Xtreme Cup Challenge which I kicked Jeff's ass. I got 14,500 in points and he got 9500...Oh it was on like donkey kong and I had fun...heh heh heh
I also rode The Super Dooper Looper, The Crab which I also liked it...smiles...I just had a blast and when you see the photo's you will see through my blue eyes.
I did not visit the zoo which it gives me reason to return and finsih what I started. I plan to go back on September 26th the last day that the park is opened.and ride the two water rides I missed...Tidal Force and Roller Soaker. Maybe I will paint my face again..We will see...smiles
I was on one ride and Jeff put his arm around me. I snapped a photo and you can see it on my face what was about to happen next...lmao...OMG I knew when I made a correction, well telling him no to please remove ure arm, he would have a melt down...even if ure uncomfortable on a ride does not mean you can or have the right to put ure arm around me...it is sad that I repeat myself but anyhow I am tired of fighting someone I am not even in a relationship with...He knows his actions
drive me crazy and it is weird b/c he has not disrepected me for a good bit of time until yesterday...I am not wasting anymore time on that subject b/c he of all
people knows I will not tolorate his little boy tantrums. My word is enough and will be respected, end of story ..so moving on
I best close this blog and say what needs to be said another day...For the record!...I am not in a relationship with Jeff..I know he had said this to a member in his family and it is not true...I wish I knew why he says this to others and then tells me he didn't mean it that way...telling ure mom I am ure girl is saying we are together which it is a LIE...I am friends with Jeff and only friends...I vow to myself to remain single and just live life to its fullest as a single women. I will remain honest with myself and to everyone else on how I feel. I know Jeff wants more but as I said to him it will never be what he wants.
I don't think I will ever be in another relationship any time soon and when I am ready to move forward with dating I CAN BET YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW!
Smiles...Oh No...I best cut this blog short... Nik Nik is on her way to me house to drive me car to where I want to go..heh heh heh
I will leave you with this,
Creative living space...So Cool
Living room area
BAT H ROOM
This place seems very modern, perhaps like something you’d see in a swanky highrise condo or townhome near the city, right? BUT…
HERE’S tHE INCREDIBLE PART!
This 1 bedroom loft apartment was built inside a 1940’s grain silo
It was renovated into this upscale unit after it was purchased and relocated to the grounds of the Gruene H omestead Inn in New Braunfels , TX in 2007.
If that’s not creative craftmanship, then I don’t know what is
God Bless u and ures...Have an awesome day!
This blog is my own work, on my time, and my own slightly warped thoughts...A place to blog, where my thoughts run freely...with that said, lets get started,
Wow it has been almost 2 week since I wrote. I have had a wonderful week, heck the past 6 months have been off the charts lol...The air show was rockin...Check out my new album "Thunder Over The Blueridge 2010 Air Show"
My Ocean City vacation was off the charts! I enjoyed every second with my girls and besties...oh and you to my Jelly...lol...Amber you must marry JD bc I said so...happy u didnt last October! Seriously, in the next few yrs I want a son-n-law...giggles..Trust me, my bank account can wait for a granddaughter
I could not have asked for better weather...it was beautiful sitting on the sand hanging out with my loved ones, the whole trip was an amazing feeling. Just seeing Mars in the sky was an amazing experience and to have captured Mars at the very moment I am at my happy place was very satisfying!
The ladies was driving me nuts. I see a hottie and off I went even if she was walking in another direction...lmao. I just had to say something to them. My favorite lady of them all is Sherry. She posed for me and no I wont share her, she is mine mine mine...seriously MINE, lmao
I was told I am worse than a man. Maybe a little true. grin. I did share many pics with Steve. Thank you Steve for being my text buddy smiles. I had fun SEEKING the hotties and sharing my finds...heh heh heh ... I will never forget this trip although it was almost as close to the amazing experience when I took my grandsons to the ocean in June. Check out the new album which you know a picture tells all. We did have a blast! Life is amazing when ure living ure life instead of just breathing life. Okay need to move on before this becomes a novel... lol
My birthday Wednesday was an amazing day. I am so happy within I can burst. Yep although it has been a week since my birthday I am still on cloud nine with all the love I recieve in my life.
On my birthday, September 1st, I woke up at 9am to start my day...My day started off with a swedish massage...head to toe. I was so relaxed and so well in need to be pampered! ...I love being Daddys little gurl b/c I know I am spoiled and lucky to be so loved...I count my blessings everyday...I pray for his health and happiness.
The whole day I was showered with gifts...Again, Im so blessed to be soooo loved...My circle of family and friends are truely awesome individuals. I love you all so much!
A knock at the door was the beginning of a good day, not including my body massage, lmao. I was given a Happy Birthday balloon tied to a beautiful Bearington Collection Bear, his name is Rascal, well that is what is on his tag, smiles
In the same bag I recieved a box of Russell Stovers chocolates that I will not eat so when the grandbabies are here on their next visit, guess what Mie Mie IS SENDING THEM HOME WIRED...hah hah hah
Ah the joy of being a grandparent!...so sweet when they have their own, one day when ure little ones grow up an have their own YOU will know this feeling and remember my words...heh heh heh
A cake shaped flower arrangement was also delivered..It is sooo pretty that I have it protected and in my freezer...see photo above...smiles
I got my pedicure and my manicure since the ocean trip destroyed my nails...Ya know I had 3 peds in 5 weeks...crazy but true..I welcome them and they do feel good, so all is good...lol
I enjoyed dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, the Bavarian Inn...I love the view there and my last memory. The place has heart, my heart! anywho, moving forward...As time ticked away I was given a diamond watch that was to big for my wrist but all is taken care of now because it fits snuggley..is that even a word...I dont care, me not correcting it. lol
I also recieved a pair of hoop diamond earrings that are so beautiful and I best mention my watch b/c I almost fell over because there is so many diamonds that are glowing with sparkle! Just an amazing gift!
In the evening, I watched Piranha 3D. I so loved this movie. I was in ta ta heaven...throughout the movie you have a buffet of T & A...ladies are fuckin HOT! I will have the DVD when it is released...I love pause...wink
I will not spoil it for you but please send me a personal email about ure thoughts when u watch it...I am sure you will have something to say to me...I am positive, lmao, it is a must see, I promise you wont be disappointed. I did try to run a few times but I was trapped!..I will never sit in the middle again...heh heh heh
I want to personally thank everyone for all the gifts and happy birthdays recieved in email and text and of course on Facebook and not forgetting those who were here in person to share my birthday with me...
I felt/feel so special!...oh shit and btw, the day before, I also watched Exorcism...VERY STUPID!...DO NOT WASTE URE MONEY, IT SUCKED BALLS!
To answer ure question about California...I am leaving on October 22, and will return on November 2nd. I truely have no desire to be in Hagerstown for Halloween this year.
I want to be in Cali this Halloween for my own personal reason...I know I will experience a whole new world but above that, my soul is healing. I feel being so far away will help me enjoy this holiday..NSN
I already know I will have little clothing...I be dressed as a hottie, not saying I am hot but anyhowzer b/c California is hot and I do feel sexy in my skin! What should I be?...any ideas? share with me pretty please with cherries on top...ure the one that will see the photos so u tell me!
Stay tune for some shots in the sky. I am really taken with the beauty of our world. I have plan to enjoy a hot air ballon ride this month. Stay tune for the photo shots. Wish me luck on the weather b/c I was told it is the only way I would have to postpone for reason for my own safety.
My next big adventure is in Pittsburgh PA...October 3rd, Someone close to my heart will enjoy the front row seats with me to the Ravens and Steelers game...I am so damn stoked! I can not wait! Fuckin live and I am ready to scream ure name...hah hah hah...NSN b/c it is a surprise...will tell all in my blog when this adventure comes forth and has been archived. Is it October 3rd yet? giggles
My summer is not over yet at least not until I get back from Florida...yeah a week before xmas my ass is going to be enjoying the sun and the ocean waves,....
heh heh heh...I am ready to do cart wheels on the sand...well I will have to at least give it a try,..smiles..it has been years and I am old! Wow 39 already.
Next year for my 40th I will be celebrating in Ocean City. If u want to join us LET ME KNOW! Secrets is my place to party but I wont get messed up bc I want to remember my night...lmao...Yes I have learned my lesson a thousands times and this time I will stay in control. For the record, YES I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO MY 4OTH Birthday!
OK, it needs to be said, Most of you know I love to pamper myself, it is a must do in my life...I believe it helps me in many ways and it does make me feel good when I have my moments alone...
Time to pamper ureself. I mean, if uve been working hard to be a better person, to be friendlier and fitter and more generous and more efficient and make whatever improvements you feel you need, take a few moments to pamper ureself. Find something that is in sync with the changes you have made in your life (If uve decided to eat healthy from now on, a triple fudge sundae is NOT the right means to pamper ureself).
Pick something that makes you feel special and worthwhile. My nails makes me feel sexy so I get them done ALL THE TIME...lol.. Perhaps its a spa treatment as I did for my birthday and many other times in between giggles. Perhaps a few hours in a quiet place away from the chaos of kids and the chores of home. It might just be a hot bath with soothing music. You are special. You do deserve it. So go ahead and pamper ureself!
I want to be able to say whats on my mind and in my heart at the moment. Finding words right now is hard for me! I know I never thought those words would come out of my mouth but it is what it is... I am today trying to stay in control of a hard situation...This weekend I had to make a very hard decision to keep someone at arms length for reasons I dont feel need to be addressed in the public eye. I am sure you are reading this so since I had no choice but to cut the ties FOR THE MOMENT, I want to say to you that I love you as my friend, ure a beautiful women/person on the inside as well on the outside. I do forgive you and I hope one day you and I can be as close as we once were but right now we must handle this situation the best way we know how and I must keep my priorities as my number one allowing everyone involved the opportunity of understanding and compassion with the hope this all will work itself out in time. I love you G and I hope you understand at this time, why I must not reply to ure text and calls. ;-(
While I am on the subject I should also say I am grudge-y but I dont let it be helpful. Ive had friends do really bad things to me and looked at them more suspiciously but still been friends with them, tried to trust them, etc. While holding the grudge. Ultimately just a mess. Im working on listening to my intuition more.
I cant stay mad at anyone, try as I might. However, that doesnt mean Im a fool. I use my judgment to minimize contact with toxic people, to second guess liars, etc., but Im not going to hold on the emotional side of grudge holding, or sort of punishing people who have done me wrong. I suppose I see it more as being conscious and perceptive about other people and who they are than holding onto a feeling of anger about them. But if I am honest I probably do suffer fools a little too gladly.
I personally take a stance that I frame as forgive but dont forget. I remember the behavior and factor it into my future expectations, but leave room for my mind to be changed and/or the person in question to change considering I have good people in my circle and most recently as a few days ago I had no choice but to limit a friend, my family to a disconnection from my world. I will say it again, No one can do anything to me UNLESS I allow them to! I vow to never allow anyone to use my kindness as my weakness. I am who I am and I know I am doing what is right for ME and ALL who enters my circle!
Anyhowzer, I want to end this blog on a happier note, I am going to adventure out to wally world today. I am in a giving mood AGAIN, I want to give $10.00 to a child or an adult...it makes me happy when I can just reach out to someone I have no ties to and give them something to smile about...I will tell more in my next blog, giggles with smiles
On that note,
Dont cry when something is over
Dont cry for the loss.
Smile because it happened,
Smile for what once was
Take care everyone and God Bless each and every one of you...I will leave you with the following...giggle
When you reach the heart of life you shall find beauty in all things, even in the eyes that are blind to beauty...Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical! Hope the next 11 images below touches ure heart as it has touched mine ... enjoy
The Real Bambi & Thumper
Really do exist!
What an incredible photographer to have caught these shots...
Its 23rd August which means in 5 days from now, I will be in Ocean City where my soul is happy and at ease when near the water. I am sure it will open my mind and release my thoughts once and for all. I feel the need to just be at peace and allow my mind to shut down for a little while..I am actually not sure what I am feeling right now and as a matter of fact these past several weeks have me exhausted. I am overjoyed of the thought to spend my vacation with the ones I love so I hope I can manage to set my feelings aside and forget my thoughts and what I feel for awhile. Just be Vickie and have fun!
I believe in fate and in soulmates. I believe that there is one person meant for you and God leads you to that person. No matter where you are in the world! I believe that you have to have faith that this will happen someday and that you cannot just sit back and do nothing but rather be out searching open minded. I know I stopped searching for love~!
This is deep and complicated but only in my head. Read on...
I want to believe in fate. I believe in God. I also believe that God knows whats in store for us. BUT we are free to make our own choices in life and we reap what we sow.
Every now and then, when we ask for something (through sincere prayer) and we unknowingly make the wrong choice to get that thing, I believe that God may (or may not) intervene. At the time it may seem like a coincidence, but its more like a gentle push in the right direction. That doesnt mean that coincidences dont happen, of course they do, its the law of averages. So how do you know if it was a coincidence or course correction? Much later on, when you realise just how important that incident was. If you cant remember it, or nothing depended on it, then Id say it was just a regular old coincidence. BUT I am not there...It is happening now! I know I wont forget b/c it cuts deep...deeper than I ever thought anything could touch. My world is moved in all directions!
As for soul-mates, Im torn. The romantic in me wants to believe, is desperate to believe, that there is one guy out there for me and when I see him Ill *know*, I will feel. The rational, sensible side of me says thats not the case. The rational side wins out, but the romantic is just so ..seductive. I do miss love and being loved in return!
This is an entry I think I will read over and over again...I know it will stay engraved in my heart and forever in my soul...
I have a story, My Story! VERY TRUE...Fate? or Coincidence? or What? Nothing at all?
I prayed 6 weeks ago to God and Scott to send me someone who will love and respect me, whom will share their world while enjoying mine...Cherish one another...Love one another, Live no more heartaches...Feel no more pain, no more broken promises...just pure love with beautiful joyful memories. Not to much to ask for, right?
I said to Scott, guide me, show me with out a doubt give me,...PROOF!...Make it impossible for me to say no too my future. I ask for proof but do I have it?...
Is it fate or is my mind whacked in believing in fate when it is all coincidence?...or both?...It seems like truth, it feels like truth, maybe fate and that scares me!. This person who entered my world open my heart, my mind and soul...I can and have thanked him for that!
I'm satisfied, with just that! My heart says different, my heart is feeling different. Maybe I am tricking myself into believing, maybe not!
August 5, I woke up, from what, who really knows at that time. I just simply ignored my feelings and thoughts and moved on. Once I knew his name, I took a second thought and wandered about my prayer and the feeling I had that day. His last name is Scotts last name. Not so common IMO. Still in denial with my emotions I then again, ignored it and moved forward without another thought until I learn his world in some way has joined mine.
The twist to it all...The more I learned about "his" life the more I was in thought. His circle is in bond with mine. Example, A friend of mine is going through some tough times, and in her words a relationship of destruction, she has been with him for 3 yrs which none of that is really important. The man she is with, His name, his sons name and down to the age and sex is all the same in my world. The man I feel connected to has the same name, same son name and age but different last names. What does that mean?...anything? My only conclusion is to not allow this person back into my life since the last two times she has hurt me deeply. coincidence? Again I put it behind me and just move forward...
If that is not enough to make my head spin I just learned yesterday that my other friend, the mother of Jeffs son shares the same birthday, same year as the man who
changed my heart, unintentally I might add...coincidence for them both to have the exact birthdays, both live in WV and I am to ask if he was born at K. D.? I would
have no idea how to react if he was born at the same hospital at the same time she was, I think she said 5:21pm is when she was born. I am scared to ask the question
b/c I am scared to really know if something is suppose to be or understand what all this means, IF ANYTHING.
I mean honestly I do feel, not sure what it is so it is easy just to forget about what I feel and make myself believe it is something else and not what my heart is
telling me. It is overwhelming to even put another thought into what is happening, LET ALONE WORDS.
I know Im putting the breaks on, Nothing wrong with just seeing one another here and there and expect nothing,...It is simple and comforting...maybe I am missing the
message...Maybe there is no message...Maybe just maybe my heart is awake but my mind is still in denial.
It seems sooo real. I am fighting this feeling with everything I got.....As you know, when it comes to kids, I would be breaking a rule I have had for years. Kids are my number one priority. The only reason I went forward with my last relationship is simple, his son was 16yrs old and I knew my heart would not crumble because he would be old enough to make the decision to keep communication with me if his father and I didnt work out...
I am always thinking way into the future, I must be prepared!. Just having a son so young makes me want to run. I love kids, they connect with me..I build a strong bond and I fear I will lose that relationship and to think that there is a chance that a child would suffer emotional thoughts because a parent(s) are incapable to set their emotions aside and think about the children involved. .Kids dont ask adults to bring new people in to their life. Most do not get a choice. They grow and love this person brought in and when or if the time comes where they would go there seperate ways that child has no voice! I feel I need to be the voice, THEIR VOICE! Do you understand my fears?
I am not ready to move forward, am I?...I do feel but I still cry so I know I am not
ready to give my self to another, to love another, My love, deserves everything from deep within my soul...I just want to be sure before there is opportunity to act.
It has only been 6 months.
My feelings are splattered pieces here and there and everywhere. Wish there was someone who could put my puzzel together.
One minute my walls were up so high no one was able to tear them down until August 5th, my soul awaken.... I wont ask why...I never question God. I trust in God and I know, he knows best! My thoughts have been powerful and strong and that scares me toooo!
I know I am running from my feelings...I want, I desire but I just don't have that kick to say yes I want to feel for another human being, allow myself to move forward
hand in hand, giving all the love I have for him and feeling my love is safe with him.
I don't want to give someone my heart just to be disappointed again....I do trust, but see I am not talking with a whole heart RIGHT NOW...I know I am not ready. Is god telling me I am ready? I need my heart to be whole so my love can be pure.
I wont punish my future with what has happen in my past. I must have a solid heart, clear mind. I must know and feel my soul to be pure before I can even think about given myself to anyone.
I think it is only fair if I wait and make sure my heart and soul is pure before I can react to feelings that are very overwhelming...
I don't want a man, I desire THE MAN...I have figured out why I feel so deep at this time....I woke up from a coma...6 months of shutting everyone out who entered my
world. Ignoring the stares, the men who attempt to get my attention. I don't see them because Im not ready for my world to change. I am not ready to really love..Is something saying yes you are?
Thats why I love the song Beautiful Lie...IT REMINDS ME THAT LOVE IS A GAME...IS IT?...Men in my past all have been games but I learn from those experiences, those relationships molded me into who I am today! I am happy who and what I have become...
I dont want to force what is happening and I dont want to push it away. I WANT TO ACCEPT WHAT IS HAPPENING IF IT IS HAPPENING, just not right NOW!...
I feel very strongly to just let things happen as it should but I am scared to allow myself to feel...My only wish is that I can give "THE MAN" my whole heart, mind, body and soul...No less...
The gift of purity, my love will keep us bonded....I pray for patience and understanding to hold me together, make me whole again, deep within me I can feel again, allowing that alone is a sign from up above to move on, go forward,...,my heart crys, my soul burns...I am very thankful to the man who open my eyes and heart....I don't want no more heartache on both ends
...maybe that is why I am scared.....Ya know in five relationships, 4 was marriages, I never once turn my life upside down. They made me choose my future by screwing up the trust.
Really it makes since to me when I say single by choice....I choose not to be with someone who is not being honest, hell they cant even be honest with themselves let alone with me. I am sure I saved myself more undesired experiences, just by moving forward in life without them.
I am questioning if there is someone out there, somewhere is that one person we are all meant to be with; the one and only person who will indeed complete us. Am I just living a fairy tale? I believe so much that I even have a tattoo that says SOMEWHERE OUT THERE...a song by Celine Dion, words that touch my soul
I wrote this on my wall yesterday.
I dedicate "The More I Seek You" to the man above! Truly, no one loves us like God loves us...I pray everynight to send me a angel who will love & respect me.....Hopefully when the time comes I am able to take that leap without fear, without the mixed emotions I feel today...
The longer I walk with God, the more my understanding of Him becomes relational! I will blog later, much later
My mind is weak! I wonder if god is bringing soulmates together before he comes...having faith doesnt make me a nut..thats for the record, WE ALL HAVE A LITTLE NUTTY IN US ANYHOW! My thoughts always go to extreme. My thoughts today have really moved me....why?
So what do you think, was this fate or just pure coincidence? Has anyone had experiences that make you believe that there is that one person each of us is meant to be with or do you think thats simply Hollywood bullshit? Personally, I could be more cynical about this sort of thing, but if Ive learned anything from life, its to
keep an open mind..and those who know me, know I have a very open mind and a kind spirit soul.
One day I know I will feel love again, the love I have for God, until that day I shall be ME!
The More I Seek You ...
The more I seek You
The more I find You
The more I find You
The more I love You
I wanna sit at Your feet
Drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You and breathe
Feel Your heartbeat
This love is so deep
its more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace
Peace to all