Archives; 2004
note: Recent entries are located at... Who Is Vickie 2010!
Introduction, written; November 1, 2004
scroll down for recent dates
Hello I thought I would introduce myself to you. My name is Vickie.
I am 33 yrs old. Just to let you know you can come back to this page and see the updates I add. I plan to write here and add new upcoming events. I am soon to be a grandma. Yeah my oldest daughter is carrying my grandbaby. My grandbaby is expected to be here around April 29, 2005. Well I will go into some details on my goals, dreams and who I am deep down inside. Everyone ask me who I am and what do I want in life. Well I thought this would be an easier way for my online friends to find those answers.
I am a loving mother with two beautiful daughters. I have a big heart when it comes to loving other children. I have been married three times, yeah I said 3. My true love is Lloyd Scott Harris who died in a automobile accident when our daughter was 6 yrs old. I don't question god so I am at peace with my childhood sweetheart passing. I married my youngest daughters father and divorced him for reasons I will keep to myself. I then met a man who was not who he said he was. I found out after we were married that he had very big problems within himself. I had no choice but to divorce Norman. We were dating for over 2 yrs and you really think you know somebody within that time but you really don't. I guess it boil down to one thing, I have two daughters and both look up too me so I have to be a good role model for them and I expect my partner to be also. Okay done with the husbands.
I was dating a guy name Kalen for about 3 yrs. I met him online 4 years ago. He lived in SC and he moved into my home. I always say three things that I deserve from a partner, Love, Respect, Trust and now I add the fourth one HONESTY. Kalen had all but the respect and honesty. I believe he tested me on my promise I have told him in the beginning. Don't ever mind fuck me and screw up the trust or the purity of our relationship OR I will leave and walk away and never look back. Well now you know you mess with my trust then you made your bed and now you'll lye in it. With that said, I am looking for someone who is willing to let me be free to explore who I am. I do show respect to my mate when it boils down to me being me. I do not believe in argueing. If you are a man than you can communicate and be civil and talk to me with calmness and if that's impossible than you are a man to walk it off then come back and we can talk things through. I do not believe in violence. Oh I forgot my second husband beat the shit out of me and he was charged with attempted murder. I never went back to him although I loved him but I did go to court and testified that I did not want charges on him and that I want them to be dropped. I told the judge, he has paid the ultimate price and would never be with me again. In my mind that was enough for me. All charges were dropped! I keep getting off track. Where was I, I want to meet someone who is caring, loving, sensitive and who wants to become one with me.
I don't judge on looks. I am open minded to alot of things and willing to live my life to the fullest. I believe we need to become friends and learn things about one another BEFORE we meet in person. I have alot of offers from online friends but I must say it is a dangerous world out there and I am smart enough to know before we meet we will know eachother. So please don't ask me for a date until YOU & I have had a chance to really get to know eachother. I also love the internet as you all can tell... my webcam fans are awesome. Anywayz... I truely am looking for my soulmate. I will end this with I need aMAN with aPLAN not aBOY with aTOY!!!!!! I WILL ADD MORE BUT I'M TIRED NOW... CHECK BACK FOR UPDATES!!!!
November 3, 2004
Hello all... Here has been one day I wish I could forget. You know I have been on a few dates this past week and everyone of them have been jerks. I have a question to the men. Why is sex always on your mind? I can understand if you want sex all the time WHILE in a romantic relationship but why would you just want a piece of ass and take a chance of getting AIDS & STD'S? See I see things differently. I must love the man who I will share myself sexually with. Making love to one whom you love makes it even more of a great experience. I think you guys need to find my kind of love and I promise you once you do..you won't look back. I've noticed that my kind of love is RARE and to me it will be even more special when I meet my soulmate. I have vowed to not look for love but to allow myself the freedom of living. Hell what do I know, I have had so many broken promises in my past relationships and there has been times I thought it was me but guess what it is not me. I have came to the conclusion that just about all men have a problem dedicating there self and their love to ONE women. I have a heart of gold and it's time to turn things around.
November 4, 2004
well today has been worse than yesterday, Here it is.... 6:45am I woke up to turn off my alarm. My left leg went out and down I went. I felt numb but still as hard headed as I am, I drove Amber to school (1-1/2). When I got there I felt real funny so I went to sleep. Next thing I knew Amber brought the medical teacher to me and he observed my piggies. WELL GUESS WHAT HE SAID I HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL THAT IT LOOKS TO HIM LIKE I BROKE MY PIGGIES. Needless to say, Amber & I go home early. Well I did what I was told and went to the hospital. x-rays shows my little piggies are broke and my foot is sprained. Now for those who know me, this will NOT slow me down but make me stronger. Man it is one hell of way to wake up. So a warning to those who get out of bed to turn off the alarm, lay in bed till u are fully awake...lol see I'm still laughing, maybe its the meds....
November 11, 2004
I just want to say hello all and thank-you for being the person you are. Some will say, where did Vickie go while others just plain don't give a shit. Honestly I am currently suffering from a cold and a bad breakup, opps maybe I should not say that, oh well. Men are so complicated and I am so tired of wasting my time. I guess I'll end this with, god bless each and everyone of you...really I hope you get the best in what life has to offer you.
November 12, 2004
If you can't tell by now then let me say this, "I am a lonely women & sexually deprived" God that is so lame, I am on a rebound and ready to have a breakdown. Lucky me! You know Kalen has said & did things that I wish I never heard or seen. He talks about being in love with me and how much he misses me and you know guys as much as I do that he only wants one thing...oh i must tell u opps...Little Miss Kitty....well Kalen had the nerve to address that all he ever wanted was love and affection oh I'm forgetting FROM ME... Well explain this guys if u dare to even go there, why does a man,,oh back up BOY flush the relationships trust,respect,purity down the tolit for a few hurtful words or just betray the one you claim you are in love with? It's a major fuck-up! I know many of you think with ure dick and that is a known fact but come on you claim to be inlove and you want the sex and the feelings to stay alive then why in the hell would you screw up the best thing in ure life? You know I had enough of the mind fucks. It is time to get serious and go out and find happiness within myself. This staying home and doing nothing but sit on the computer and waste time with men who are thinking with their dick is enough for me. Alot of you know what I have been going through these past 2 months. I have woke up and my eyes are NOW open. I have been bitter and the biggest bitch. Okay I'll say I'm sorry. You must understand I am only human and can only take so much hurt. Well now ya know, go figure just another day to find happiness.
Thank-you Shannon for ure words & I will go on and learn to be stronger from the inside & out
The letter below is from my x-sister-n-law
Shannon Kendall
I loved flipping through the pages of your website. I love seeing the heart that you put into things. You’re a very special woman. That in mind a few thoughts pounded my brain as I read on page after page. …
Women need men to validate them. Isn’t that awful? At least we think that we do. If you told me a few years back that I needed a man I would have told you where to go. Once I realized that I hadn’t been alone “ever” in my life I started considering if I had made a problematic approach in life. Yeah, I had the ups and downs with relationships. Boyfriends dieing, lying, cheating, hurting me. I had all of it. I even went so far as to entertain new boy friends with stories of old boyfriends (how sick is that?). I felt like a woman who wanted to hide away. Yet secretly I wanted a man to come in and save me. The next faze is bitterness. Or should we say bittersweet? Bittersweet by definition is “pleasure alloyed with pain”. Oh isn’t that a nice way to live. Yet, we do.
So what the hell am I getting at? In my bitterness I sort of lost touch with the ability to love. I started out alone and made my way through everyday life doing things on my own. I changed my own oil, I went shopping alone, I took out my own trash (I hate that job), I cut my own lawn (always have), you get the point. I did everything on my own. I always could, but I liked that companionship. At this point I didn’t even want to hear a man talking in my ear. I didn’t have the heart for their blathering. What good would they spit out of their venomous mouths anyway, right? So I stayed in my pretty little house making it prettier for no one. I made crappy dinners all by myself. I built web pages for my enjoyment. I was pretty lame. But, in that short amount of time, alone in my head, I took a step away. Somehow that need for a man disconnected.
Of course one came along. I fought it. I wanted him out and doing man things and leaving me be. Sure he could sleep over from time to time but come the roosters his ass had to be on its way. In time with his persistency, I started to cave. First one knee buckled, then the other shook. I’ve never known anyone to be so genuine in all my life.
I think I have a point in here somewhere without using cliques. Learn to be a strong woman on your own. Regardless of all of your other strengths, work on this one. Our central focus should be life and goodness. Everything else will fin its place. Make yourself number one and order will follow. I promise.
Validated by men symptoms:
1.He tells you that you’re beautiful and you feel your spirits lift
2.You haven’t heard anyone tell you your looking good in awhile. You feel like crap so you go out to a bar and feel elated when you get hit on.
3.He stops telling you how great you are. Someone else does and you think you should leave him for the one who’s in the right mind.
4.You feel empty without a “soul mate”.
5.You feel like you are half a heart without someone else’s love
6.You spend hours, days, years wondering what you did wrong. Never mind that everyone is different and will disappoint you.
7.You think sex is a part of every day life.
Cured symptoms:
1.He tells you that you’re beautiful and secretly you agree. But otherwise you thank him.
2.You become smart enough to know the floor sweepings are all that you’ll find in a bar. You begin going places to socialize that have more conversational value.
3.You hear alarms going off because this dirt bag has no respect for the man that you care about. Respectable people would never insult your family, so why would it be okay to insult the man you love. Then you go home and talk to the man you love and tell him you need a little more attention.
4.You realize that you are here for a higher purpose and that your soul mate if he exists will arrive right on schedule.
5.You realize that you are full of love and kindness and that no one can walk away with it.
6.You accept others flaws but never invite them on yourself.
7.You find yourself thinking of sex only when you’re alone with the man you know and understand. I think.
Love you Vicky.
Shannon
Shannon all I can say is Thank-you
November 13, 2004
IT MUST BE SAID! If you don't have cam or mic there is no need to contact me until u do. Thanks for understanding if you don't then I guess it is ure problem NOT MINE.
Novemeber 14, 2004
Things are getting easier, meeting new people and just getting out to enjoy what life has to offer. I am feeling better about myself. I have met so many new friends in these past months who have given me great and useful advice. Kalen had called yesterday and I am proud to say I DID NOT CAVE IN ..Did I mention he was drunk or well had drinks and confirmed he was feeling good...Like always, he calls when it is convienent to him and he said I was selfish well he is now looking in the mirror and seeing exactly what I saw.... I hung up the phone and turned it off, then erased his messages without thinking twice to listen to them. Dam I feel good and proud that I do have will power. Hmmm I will see the light when I reach the end...I am understanding things more from a man's point of view...thank you and u guys know who u are... I once was weak but now I am stronger so watch out world here I come!!!!!
November 17, 2004
I wanted to share this with you. Today, I was thinking, hmmm yeah I was thinking. I was curious and did some searching on on-line dating services. I read some romantic and heart feeling stories of couples who had found eachother. Well I am only human although I am not ready for commitment but I am ready to spend my time with someone who is compactible with me. So I decided to join and give it a try, hell the worse that can come out of it is I will remain alone which at this point is okay with me. I have already recieved more responses than I could have inmagined. So my friends, if you want to meet new people and start a new and refreshing relationship, take a leap and JOIN a on-line dating services.
I'll keep you posted. IMO Kalen I hope ure reading this. You should give it a try, who knows maybe You'll
find that special person that you claim I was in the begining before your lies and betrayal surface. I'm sure there is many dumb bitches out there who would fall head over heels in love with your lies and betrayal. .... Byezzz
November 23, 2004
Hello my friends. As you noticed I have limited my time on the internet. I do have a life outside of this computer. Anywayz just want to let you all know I will not be online as often as I was. For those who have my digits, give me a call. I guess I'll up date those who wish to know, I have been talking to a few single men I have met on the dating service. So far it's not for me but hell I will hang in there a little longer. BTW I am moving to PA in the next few months. I have met many friends who live in Pennsyvania. When I arrive and settle in, I will jump online. A few of you know that I am moving in with a friend in Pa to be closer to my daughters college. Hell I am saving over $250.00 in gas a month and my friend has offered us to stay at no extra cost so I guess things have paid off for all the times I was good to others and lent them a helping hand when they needed it most. See how good things come to those who help others. I better get my butt off here before my daughters have my head...peace..I miss you all ...byezzz
December 3, 2004
It has been awhile since I've written, as you all know I have not been online for quite sometime now. Well I will be on-line more often so feel free to look me up. I am working on some new idea and with that said, I am available most of the time, the other half I'll be out and about living MY life to the fullest. The song below has been playing in my mind over and over again. I have basically lived my life through these words these past few weeks. I believe I have traveled a very long road trying to figure out who I am and what am I all about. I've learned alot these past few months. Kalen has played with my mind and I am now beginning to move on with hope. I will always love him but I can no longer TRUST him and with my heart. It is hard starting over and forgiving someone for the pain and heartache they have caused me. I am a strong women and I know this is only the beginning of my journey. "LET THIS BE A SIGN" Today I recieved my sign and I am more alive now than ever.
Journey of the past by "Anastasia"
Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me
Don't turn back now that were here
People always say life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear
Or how the road can seem so long
How the world can seem so vast
Courage see me threw
Heart I'm trusting you
On this journey to the past
Somewhere down this road
I know someone's waiting
Years of dreams just can't be wrong
No, Arms will open wide
I'll be save and wanted
Finally home where I belong
Well, starting here my life begins
Starting now I'm learning fast
Courage see me threw
Heart I'm trusting you
On this journey to the past
Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me
Home love family
There was once a time
I must have had them too
Home love family
I will never be complete
Until I find you
One step at a time
One hope then another
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was
On to find my future
Things my heart still needs to know
Yes let this be a sign
Let this road be mine
Let it lead me to my past
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
To bring me home
At Last
At Last
Courage see me threw
Heart I'm trusting you
Journey to the past
The heart, my heart speaks
Who am I today?" I ask..
And I wonder if I even know.
I know the past has shaped me now,
Even though the past was long ago.
The little moments form a blur,
The times both happy and sad,
All the people I once knew,
And the things I used to have.
They all helped me to become
Where, what and who I am now,
Because everything has influenced me,
I'm not sure exactly how.
But I'm thankful for the memories,
Even of the people I've never really met,
For the people I miss, the people I love,
And even the people I'd like to forget.
For these memories have helped me grow,
They've made me calm, yet strong,
And now there's a story to my life,
That they've been writing all along.
So, thank you for the memories.
Without them, I don't know who I'd be -
Because somewhere among these memories
Are the things that define me.
~~~
NEW DREAMS AND NEW BEGINNINGS ARE AMONG ME. I THANK YOU FOR MY MEMORIES FOR THESE YOU CAN NOT COME CLOSE TO DEFINE WHO I HAVE BECOME.
Back to Home
