11-27-07~~~~Tuesday
There has been some things that came up these past few days so this is the reason for my delay on adding my hero's...Family is my number one priority...
I promise I will get this done today...waiting for a few people for feed back to add there information...so be patient...:0)
I have the need to spill my thoughts today...Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
I have tried to recall the true friendships in my life that have been able to withstand the times of change, distance and turmoil. I have eight names, exclusive of my family, that come to mind.
The average person, if honest with themselves, have only a handful of lifetime relationships that have weathered change, distance and turmoil. We may have made many acquaintances in our lifetime, but few are soul mates that would be willing to sacrifice their needs for ours.
Think about it. Life has thrown us all loops. Who in your life has been and will be there unconditionally when you feel that you are about to be thrown under the bus?
If you have such friends that are connected to defining moments in your life wouldn't it be nice to let them know you care that they are there in your bag of marbles. While you can.
food for thought....
speaking of food...giggles...I just have to say, I made chicken pot pie last night for dinner...very tasty...yummy yummy...wink :0)
...hugs to all
11-18-07~~~~Sunday
Just want to let everyone know I am sorry...I have no clue why some of you are having trouble with signing the guest book...I am guessing it could be your java or something else on your end or maybe it is the server...
Keep trying please...IF YOU STILL ARE UNABLE TO SIGN JUST SEND ME A MESSAGE THROUGH MYSPACE AND I WILL ADD YOU THAT WAY...again me sorry :0(
Time is running out....On November 24th at midnight I will be adding you to my hero's...ARE YOU A TRUE FRIEND OF MINE...Sign NOW!
As you can see I gave my page a face lift...my baby Amber helped me out with finding a new look so Thank you Amber...Mommie loves you :0)
After the 25th, I will be deleting friends off my friend list...I see no reason to have so many on there if we do not talk to eachother....It's time to clean things up again...hugs to all
11-08-07
...I was fooling around with my phone...guess what I found, Pac-Man...now you guys know I love that game...go me..giggles....you got 2 get the Sanyo --Katana (dlx) phone...it kicks ass!...I was watching the news and found some very interesting things that this phone does...it fuckin rocks.. I also transferred alot of my photo's from my pc to my phone...gettin ready 2 add music so i can make ringtones 4 my phone..no charge! ...I love 2days gadgets....off 2 make my sexy smile :0)
November 7, 2007
Today I spent my day with my family...I swear our teens act more and more like biological siblings...its cute for now...lol
We had a good day...yeahhhh
Yesterday we attended my youngest grandson's birthday party...we had a blast...Some of you know how my mother can be...she had us rolling...we were outside smoking our cancer sticks and my son (u know the story) was told to sit in my mommies car b/c he did not have his coat on and it was so cold last night...he looks up at me and my sexy and off he goes...it was so funny...He was so cute...I can see my honey and I will have trouble with my mommie...She spoils her grand children so we have to stay strong on this one...lmao...
All in all we all had a good time...giggles
I finally left Nextel...I am now with Sprint...I like the service better...My bill is less than I expected...I saved over $120.00 a month for switching and I got everything I had with my old plan...See good things do come to those who help others...I am smiling!
I am so happy with the blessings god has given me...I do see that my future has been written...:0) Pinch me! I feel I am dreaming still
I am waiting for my sexy to arrive home...He is so sweet ladies...I am honored to have him in my life...He does the most sweetest things for me that sends me in a awww
Every week he brings me home no less than a half of a dozen of roses...he knows I love them...he never forgets...he has me sooo spoiled...giggles
Last night we stayed up late and watched a few of the new released movies...every new release that comes out we are off to get it ... I had over 200 movies I brought here and what I had that he had I gave away...when we buy our home we plan to have a movie room which I am adding all of our autographs from celebs, including the porn stars and the collection he has accumilated over the years...My man loves Star Wars and I got some great ideas for us to display those too...:0)
Off to play with my new phone...Baby it rocks! 831
November 2, 2007
Hello peeps :0)
It is wee hours in the morning and I'm waiting for my sexy sexy to come home from work...thought this would be a good time to update you guys on some things that is going through my mind.
The past few days I have been thinking alot about who I was before I found my past love...in a nut shell...I allowed people to walk all over me..meaning taking advantage of my kindness and my pocketbook...I give, give, give and never realized how much I gave to others til In the end, when looking back and seeing who those people truely were/are and seeing they are doing the same acts as they did with me ...realising they were never my true
friend(s)...I believe in second chances but not all deserve it IMO...I find myself happier without these people in my life bringing me down because the drama they cause in their own life...I have no room for women who are jealous of me for who I am inside and what I have to offer as a friend... I am grown and I hope one day these people will see what they are doing to others! FYI...WHAT COMES AROUND WILL GO AROUND...your turn is around the corner ... its sad but true...now for my happy moments :0)
When I wake up in the morning, my love is the first person I see when I open my eyes.. the joy he gives me I hope never dies within me...if it should, I will be there to give it life again....communication, wink...
Since I found my love I have learned to be stronger and stand up for myself, not allowing anyone to mistaken my kindness for my weakness, something I had to learn the hard way, not to mention the thousands of dollars i lost just to learn this lesson....but god gives these things back to me so all in all IT WAS WORTH IT!
My love has brought the best out of me...I truely thought there was no such thing as true love since I always had the short stick when it came to love...always the one gettin hurt... I did not know at the time how much my love meant to me BACK THAN and most of all NOW..He has given me reason to live my life to the fullest and I mean that in every breath I take...We been together since June and not once have we been in a arguement or disagreement....our relationship is strong and getting stronger every second...We are together 24/7 (almost) and still we laugh together...we are meant to be as ONE so all the bitches in the house can keep trying to get a piece of my wolfie...you will never measure up to me...I am one of a kind...eat ure heart out...heh heh heh
The things that once was will never be forgotten...for this is who I have become, because of these people who entered my world...
Now what...well I made my famous bean soup this week and today's dinner I plan to make my roast...yummmy
My baby thinks he should cook all the time because thats what he is use too...I help but it is not the same ... I want to cook SO I WILL, I love cooking for him and my teens...it gives me pleasure so move over baby and taste my world...831
My sweetness is heading home soon so I must continue this at a later date...god I love you baby...always and forever...WE PROMISED :0)
October 27, 2007
Went to the famous nudie club...We had a costume party and Mr Chef won the prize... balls balls balls...lmao ...I had a fuckin blast...like always with my sexy sexy...He dressed as The Reeper and I of course was the Black Widow...My oldest daughter did my hair and make-up and everyone loved her creativity...just like her daddy...heh heh heh
I added a new album...(myspace) Halloween 2007, check it out and comment if you dare!
Another memory I will never forget :0)
October 22, 2007
Looks like MYSPACE has not changed a bit since my absents.
I return to alot of emails that I am missed and asking when will I return...some I cant complain about but these others have the nerve...I get back to find more butt wipes trying to take me out..How hard is it for you to read that I am in a relationship and I say I am happy...just so you know, MY MAN FULLFILLS EVERY OUNCE OF MY DESIRES...I am happy where I am so stop wasting my time and yours...anyhowzer
enough is enough....can't we just all get along..lmao
Today was very interesting...giggles...I am not telling...Tonight will be even more interesting and I am still not telling...lmao
Okay I am off to enjoy life...I advise you to take a day off from the internet and enjoy what life has to offer you...byezzzer for now!
October 21, 2007
Sunday
Alot as happen since I been away. I had the best summer ever!
Now where to begin
To begin, I refuse to go through another procedure at this moment. The last surgery was NOT successful...it did however take away some pain but I have new pains that annoy the hell out of me...I do take more meds at this point but what can I say, life is a bitch and sometimes we just have to get use to it...giggles
My life has changed so much... I am so happy and still in love...many months have gone by and we have yet to get in a dispute or whatever you choose to call it...lol
He is everything I expected he would be...we picked up where we left off 18 years ago...as if nothing had seperated us..he is a good man and I am proud to be his lady.
This point in my life I have realized how much my life did involve around my past love whom is now my love today. I can now understand my past relationships/marriages because now I have what I walked away from many years ago.
Without going into details I just want to say, Thank you my wolfie for being the man you are today! wink..:0)
BTW this goes out to my Noodle and my baby girl Amber..
This past year has been a challenge for all of us...We had roads to go down that we never thought would impact our lives as much as it has...I myself have learned so much from you both during this years journey...You have grown so much and I am proud to say to both of you that you HAVE been good daughter's and a pleasure to have raised you...
noodle I still have a little over a year til you are 18, but you have for the most part been responsible for yourself in many area's...neither of you never got into trouble with the law, you were never abusive to me or anyone else in that matter..you never gave me the thought of you heading down a path that brought legal issues of any kind or just being OUT OF CONTROL KIDS...
I know both of you have learned, of the many life lessons this year had planned for you...I believe you girls will go down a path that will fulfill your life dreams...I love you both :0) and thank you for being who you are and will become in the future...
peace to all my love's
June 15th 2007
Friday
Yesterday I had my surgery...bilateral lower lumbar on 3, 4, and 5...
Dr C did my procedure...I have 3 puncture wounds on each side of my lower back...total of six...After everything is in place, Dr C slides a third needle into the first needle that broke the skin and than the second needle that stays sterile for the third needle that is needed to burn both side of the ends of L3, L4 and L5. Ok I can't explain in so I am not trying anymore...If you still are wandering what I am talking about, sorry for the confusion...giggles
damn it hurts like a bitch...was not to bad going through with the procedure...My blood pressure for once did not shoot low so thats a good thing..Dr. C says I am healthy. If this one works it could be my last surgery...Keep ure fingers crossed....I am so impatient these days...I have a few things I must do before I go back into the working field. I know if I dont do them now I may never get the chance.
My Noodle came home for a few hours last night...we got to talk and I belive my baby is growing up and seeing how this world realy is...Mama can not protect you...you must learn on ure own...I will help guide you but ure choices you must live with...love you baby :0)
Off to get some rest...Love ya all... Peace :0)
June 7th 2007
Thursday
My surgery is coming up...June 14th is around the corner...This procedure could be my last if all turns out as expected. Time will tell :0)
Today school is out and summer for our kids is starting...I will miss my Noodle. I can see Noodle and I bumping heads this summer. She knows why...:0(
I feel I need to get it out in the open. I was going to write about this in my private journal but thought this needs to be known and on the table...Who is Vickie?
Most of you know me in real life. Some of you may not know me as well as you think you do. I am a tough girl so I am told. Deep down I am not so tough. I try to hide behind my feelings instead of facing them but learned communication is the key.
I am a strong women, thanks to the men who has entered my world. I had something to learn from each of you. I never regret anything I do in life, I go with the flow and learn from my experience. I been married four times and to me that is 4 marriage's ending with disappointment but in return I learn something from each marriage, rather if it is good or bad.
I demand respect and when I am disrespected, I must choose to be alone because I know I deserve better. God has a better plan for me, only he knows my future.
I know I may have told you this before, people come into my life to serve some sort of purpose, teach me a lesson or help me figure out who I am. We all go through things we dont really want to face but we do it anyway and in the end we become stronger and more wiser.
I think about this when people enter my world. What is their purpose...What lesson will this person teach me ...and so on..I am sure you are wandering where I am going with this...
~~~~~~~~~~EDIT
I am not relationshp material for anyone but my somewhere out there.
~`~~~~~~~~~~`EDIT
I know what I want in life and I know where I want to be. I live by this image and know one day, somewhere out there will be my eternity.
June 1, 2007
Friday
Last night fuckin rocked!….As u know, u can’t use camera’s in the Tits & Ass club so I have no before or after pics this time b/c the camera is just another thing 2 carry. I will share a little with you. I won’t tell all…giggles. Something’s ladies must keep to themselves…:0)
I want to say hello to my friend Brian…heh heh heh…sorry I was not at the table much with u guys…you know how it is…lol….o and HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2 U my friend….thanks for dinner … I enjoyed ure company and ure accent…lmao…:0)
Okay back to the club…. I entered the wet T-shirt contest that Vixens has on the last Thursday of each month….(guys ure missing a good show)
I was 4th contestant and nope my little boobies did not beat the biggie boobies or the sluttish behavior that some girls did to win the prizes…FYI..I will keep my sluttish behavior under control and behind closed doors for my night and shining armor who has YET to enter my world, ..giggles…damn that confused me…lmao
Needless to say. I got home around 6am…although my friend said a 30 minute stay, well, we went on over time…giggles…we were talking and ladies u know how it is when ladies get together and we start blabbing we don’t shut up…so that’s why I got home wee hrs in the morning…lol…It was definitely a night to remember and never to be forgotten!
I have to brag…I met a beautiful parrot named Angel. My first words to her were hello and she mocked me… I than said, Vickie’s got sexy toes and she said it twice…she is soooo cute…I truly felt a connection with Angel and hope to visit her again in the near future. :0)
May 28, 2007
Monday
The Internet is quickly becoming an essential medium for communication...WHAT HAPPENED TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH!
Some of you may not know what is happening here on myspace..Have you recieved notifcation?..Myspace is denying ure request to upload a video, photo, bulletin ect...if so, u need to read more by clicking links below..We need 2 speak up...Your voice can be heard so let's all get together and fight for our freedom of speech
Please voice your opinion now before you are not allowed to. Let the media know your opinion...You can add ure full name or just add ure first name..Let's make a difference :0)
Sign The Petition---Stop Censorship On MySpace!
http://www.petitiononline.com/free99/petition.html
See these links to learn more..
http://www.freemyspace.com
The link below is down for the moment but check back..
http://www.censorspace.com
Tom is fighting for us...r u?
May 20, 2007
Sunday
Well instead of the zoo and all that jazz I had planned, decided to go fishing today...Beautiful day to enjoy the sounds of nature...
Fish today was smart...they knew I was there...did not get anything today but there is always a tomorrow..thinking about going out tomorrow evening and see what I can catch...I do throw my fishies back in the water...so its all good...giggles
I am reading a really good book...The Search by Iris Johansen..I strongly feel you should get this book and read it...I hate when I have to close it :0(...Looks like another day will come before I finish this book...giggles
I am sure you may have noticed...I added another album to my collection, My fishing trips...check out the 11 pics I uploaded today...I do plan to go to different places this yr and enjoy the sun while I fish....so stay tuned :)
I am on the search to find a boat I can buy since I have a desire to be surrounded by water...hmmm...boats can be alot of fun...giggles...:0)
I thought my ducky pic with a loaded gun was cute...I only sent it to my top friends but I plan to send it to all my friends once I find time ...well best get going...I have alot to do before sun goes down...Loves ya all...
May 18, 2007
Friday
I think this is interesting...I got this from yahoo horoscope compatibility...As you know Jason and I are Virgo's...this is so true!
Romantic Compatibility
Provided by: Astrology.com
Virgo & Virgo
When two Virgos join together in a love match, they are likely to structure their lives in beautiful conjunction. The merging of two incredibly practical, industrious sorts such as these creates an incredibly devoted and doting couple although public displays of affection will be rare. Though their shared perfectionism and skepticism could lead to conflict, the level-headed Virgo duo will quickly resolve any disputes and move on to more pleasant times.
The Virgo-Virgo relationship runs like a well-oiled machine, particularly for couples who live together or have children. There is never any confusion over the delegation of responsibility, and both partners feel quite comfortable with this arrangement. Making lists, balancing accounts and keeping the house and affairs in order are second nature to both partners. They share a discriminating palette and exquisite taste. As long as they aren't too harsh with one another, their relationship will be fulfilling in every way.
Virgo is ruled by the Planet Mercury. This Planet represents communication, and indeed this is Virgo's shtick. As a romantic couple, both are tuned in to one another's frequencies. Virgo is often able to read the nuances of words and gestures and take in an analytical meaning. One of the strongest points of the relationship is open and honest communication. Also, the reasoning and logical abilities of two Virgos together can quite possibly solve all the world's problems. They are a versatile and brilliant team.
Virgo is an Earth Sign, thus indicating a practical nature. Also, they are a couple who likes to be surrounded by and own elegant things, and who won't settle for second best. It is worth it to hold out for something perfect, rather than to allow for anything less. Virgo exercises caution before moving forward, and they are the first to determine the best action for everyone to -- even if it involves sacrifice. Pickiness makes the Virgo-Virgo team a wonderful romantic couple.
Virgo is a Mutable Sign. They are easily adaptable to any situation or any social setting. There is rarely conflict between them, but when it does arise it is quickly brushed over. Neither is too pushy or domineering, and they share an equal enthusiasm for one another's pursuits. Virgo always follows through, and two of them together doubles this energy and makes a very happy couple.
What's the best aspect of the Virgo-Virgo relationship? It's their levelheaded and structured approach to life, work, fun and commitment. They're incredibly compatible, and this obvious to them and to their friends. Together, they make a wonderful pair for pleasing one another and working on the perfect relationship.
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I can say this about us...Jason has his ways with me...get ure mind out of the gutter...He knows how to make a odd, situation turn into a pleasant situation...at least with me :0)...He also knows when I am pissed and yes he knows how to turn my attitude into a postive one...We definately have a connection here...I truely feel it and I know our one day will come, when we will be happy forever inlove...
Marriage was a topic at the table...I say 10 yrs..and I might just say I do...Well, I don't see marriage as I once did...After 4 failed marriages, a girl can take only so much...Maybe Jason will change my mind on this topic too...just maybe there is one last time for me...Time will tell...:0)
May 16, 2007....and May 17th
Wednesday,... Thursday
I never edit my journal but find this time a one and only time to add some new info...giggles.
My girl Amy and I went out lastnight...OMG...I am not telling all but can say this...we had fun...(grin)
Ok...check out our pics...I added 20 new in the Girls just want 2 have fun album...you will find...before, during and after shots so take a stroll and comment if you wish.
Just so you know...The club does not allow camera's but we did get one shot and I was not going to use it if there were any nude girls in the back ground ....not so lucky this time...giggles..jk....I guess you had figured out we went to the nudie club again...I know I cant stay away ... I am addicktteeeddd....lmao
alright...now you can stop reading if you were here yesterday and read my journal update so be good and see you at the night club...wink :0)
Hello to all my friends on myspace...giggles
let's start with my new tat as of yesterday...Most of you know me well enough to know that my tats have a special meaning behind them... My first tat was done 14 yrs ago a few days after my childhood sweetheart died.
I got 4 tats done all in the same day. All were copies of Scott's art work he did when we were 14yrs old..well he was 16yrs old. Yesterday I had added my two grandson's names on my right wrist that compliments the work I had done 14 yrs ago... To me, this connect's Scott to our grandsons. Do you think I am crazy...?...o well, I don't care what u think...lol...it makes me happy and thats what counts...I have some interesting things planned for this weekend so I am sure you will see my new tat in my upcoming pictures...so stay tuned :0)
My friend Jason and I adopted a female black lab one week ago...I am tickled pink that Morgan gets along with my doggies, Ayla and Honie...I thought my girls would give us a problem with Morgan but both has accepted her which blows my mind...if you knew my doggies this is not normal behavior...go figure...:0)
As you may tell...I am a bit fucked up...these damn meds are messing with my head so I best get off here before I say to much...giggles...Hugs and much love to all :0)
Keep on rockin!
May 7, 2007
Monday
Usually I'm one of the calmest people on earth. But for some reason...when I talk to these people...I want to scream. I feel this pressure on my throat and I want to throw something against a wall. I'm so tired of this...so tired nothing ever changing, of hearing about the same problems fucking over and over again. I'm tired of being asked advice for the same fucking issues and god I can't stand repeating the same thing year after year knowing that they don't give a shit. You'd think that people would learn over time and use some plain old common sense to correct their mistakes, but they never change. I feel horrible about being so easily angered but I just can't stand it. I feel like I'm trapped in a cage where nothing I say or do matters. I can only stand here and watch her suffer...watch my world falls apart. I love her with all my heart. I can not understand why she puts up with him. Why does she allow him to do what he does to her? I am finally letting go, hoping she will grow to understand the love he gives is NOT the love she deserves nor is it love.
Why can't we all just be normal…:0(
Enough of my rambling…I needed to vent for a moment so thanks for putting up with me…giggles.
A lot is happening at the moment. I had my surgery. So far my results are good. Dr C did sleep very well and my results prove that…giggles. I know it is to soon to know, but for some odd reason I feel I am a new person. I have went through many surgeries and still have a few more to go, I am doing things that I thought I would never do again. I am staying on the positive side no matter whom tries to bring me down. I am a strong women and I know I will have my life back 100%…so there…heh heh heh
I go back for my next procedure on June 14th…I think this one will be at least 2 weeks down time. :0(
I got my Adley butt Saturday…o he is so cute. He is growing up so fast. I plan to video tape him when I pick him up in 2 weeks for the weekend. Adley ran to me yelling MieMie MieMie…I have to get this on tape…he loves his MieMie. :0)
I have a video of him, sitting on Honie and giving her love. It is so cute… I will have the video’s I plan to share uploaded before I pick him up again. I plan to take him to the zoo in 2 weeks and in August maybe September…all depends on my upcoming surgery at that time. I am planning a trip to Disney World. I can’t wait to see Adley’s face when he looks at all the animals the Washington Zoo offers. He will love it!
Okay now for the bullshitter update…My soon to be ex-husband seems to be having a lot of issues lately.
He thinks by sending text messages to me, saying hurtful things is going to bring me down to his level..…news flash, you cant come close. His issues has a lot to do with his actions when we were together.
It is something only he can deal with…I can see he is not happy with his life, that’s why he is trying to pull me down with him…I wont allow him to make me as miserable as he is…I have will power Kalen so get a fuckin life outside of my world!
Enough of the bullshitter…now I know everyone will be blown away but please bare with me on this topic and be nice when you respond…I am so damn fragile…NOT…I have some personal issues I must bring to surface… As you know it has been over a year since the bullshitter and I split. I feel I am divorced but legally I am not…July is around the corner. Yuppies (still saving myself)
I have been spending a lot of time with a friend. I am learning so much from him. I am older than him…giggles…We are exactly 10 days apart and we have a lot in common. I enjoy his company. I miss him when we are apart. Still, the questions remain. Do I want a serious relationship? Do I really want to settle down at all? Will it work this time? These questions run through my mind…because of my past relationships which I will not move on till I know for sure I have resolved these feelings within myself.
I feel like right now I have found the person that I want to be with for the rest of my life but he and I still have more to learn about each other although isn't that the point of the relationship? To get to know one and other! You do that throughout the relationship and it's a very long process but it's an interesting one too. I want to know all there is about him and I want to love it whether they are quality traits or some flaws. We all have flaws but we can accept them. I hope he is the one and it's for real.
I’m a person with trust issues, and it takes longer for a relationship to develop for me than what I’ve noticed of my friends/ family.
That can be a good thing or bad. I have had a hard time trusting in the past because I have had my trust broken by men. I start to think that all of them tell lies. It's not a hard task to be 100% honest and not tell a single lie so why do most men do it? Telling the truth and being straight up with the person is such a better feeling. You can look at yourself in the mirror and love what's staring back at you. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that all men lie but it's been my life experience that 98% of them do. They lie about their feelings, they fake orgasms, they cheat, they tell you what you want to hear, they toy with your emotions, play head games, they have an agenda that is for self gain only and is inconsiderate to the partner they are with, me and I find after me, they are just very cold and their is no good reason at all for it, especially when I respect them so much, in return they turn around and burry the axe in my back. I do love men but at the same time, many of them have drove me nuts but everyday is a new day and I always try my best to give the benefit of a doubt and have a whole new perception of men because I do respect them and admire them for what they go through in their lives. It's tough being a man but, it doesn't give you an excuse to treat women like second class and that's something I have never tolerated and I never will. Respect goes both ways and so does trust. If you're a liar, then you won't be respected or trusted but if you're completely honest, that will carry you very far, not to mention that honesty is the number one turn on for me and is most important. "I am worth a lot". :)
My fear, I think relationships start to wither away when people (being together so long) start to take each other for granted. They feel that there's no need to assure the other one that they're still loved, that he/she knows that already. That in turn might create uncertainty. What does the other one think when little by little the other stops to display his/her affection? Then the uncertainty starts to gnaw their feelings (it does that, love isn't hard as diamond) and voilá! There it is. Crisis in a relationship. Communication is the key....keep the door open and always talk to me about your true feelings.
Only thing that I can think of is that don't stop saying that you love me, don't stop telling me that I'm wonderful, gorgeous, beautiful. Keep the relationship physically close, kiss and hug me often and in return I give you my all. I have learned once you break the trust to just move on with life since the end results end in hating one another and honestly I gave to many chances to my ex because I wanted my fourth marriage to work. I won’t go down that path again. One chance and that’s it! I know ure reading this,,,sweets and I know you wont break my heart.
Speak up for yourselves and your feelings towards the love of your life. Stay strong. Live strong. you'll have the courage and the guts to say... "no thanks, I'm married."
Hold up...Someday I might walk down the aile one last time...I have faith!
I really would like to think that is true that true love never dies no matter what. Perhaps it wouldn't if it weren't for the incecurities and the constant need for reassurance within both partners.
I hope he will never keep secrets from me as I will never keep secrets from him.
I mean there are some things that doesn't need to be known,
but there is a connection that lets people feel when something is going on.
it really works for a long term serious relationship.
also know when to walk away, no one wants to say things in anger.
my rule is, dont ever do something that you feel you might have to apologize for later.
It all boils down too, so long as there is total trust in the relationship, there is the possibility of working through everything. If you screw up, no matter how badly, own up to it...don't try to cover it, withhold details, or otherwise give me any justification for not believing in you.
Patience is also a requirement. I understand that we are likely going to change, and not always in ways that we'll both understand immediately. I will have patience while my partner "catches up" to where I am emotionally/spiritually, etc. Also I have patience with myself, I will give myself time to get my mind around changes that may pop up in my partner.
Some people might disagree with that last part, but I think it's essential to keeping the relationship going.
I plan to allow time to run its course. Right now, we are just friends and I believe we do have a future together. My future is unwritten.
May 2, 2007
Wednesday
Happy Birthday Adley...MieMie misses you...Love you :0(
I hate to say it but it looks like this summer is going to be the hottest summer ever....Someone just said to me, our temps will be over 105 this yr...I asked how do you know..she says..women knows these things..lmao...I dont know...anyhow,
I am nervous as hell this time...Dr C will burn the ends of my nerves somewhere...I don't really know all the details til I get there in the morning...My only question to him in the morning will be...did u sleep well?...lol...on a serious note..I feel this one may fix all..big changes in my life if Dr C had a good night sleep...giggles..I pray all goes well...I will leave it in god's hands...he always takes care of me...:0)
Went to the Washington zoo this past weekend...I had alot of fun..I seen my wolves...that was the bestest...giggles..I will add video once I have time to download it...I have no clue how long that will be...so be patient..
Hey this goes out to Jason...Got to say one thing to you...THANK YOU!...I never thought I could depend on anyone but myself...you proved me wrong..go you..giggles...I have noticed when you visit my world you like to do things for me,..You have fixed things without me having to say anything...you see it needs done and you do it..I love that!..I know you will be helping me tomorrow after my surgery...remember what I said to you..if I laugh, laugh with me..If I cry, cry with me... don't laugh at me when I cry because ure laughing at me...lmao...Again thank you my friend for helping a gal out..My recovery should be fast...I am a fast healer...wuv ya! :0)
April 25, 2007
Wednesday
Nothing exciting going on at the moment..I did add a few pics to my album. Check them out!...Don't let it go to ure heads guys...I am not sexually frusterated..NOT YET....lmao
I now wish for it to rain...I need a good walk...wink :0(
Missing the past, 18 yrs...yeah
April 21, 2007
Saturday
My procedure went fairly well..My down time was not so bad..I only have a few surgeries left so I am told...My next scheduled procedure is on May 3rd...seems it may be a bit more painful...whaaa
I went to the tanning bed today...yep I cheated the sun...giggles...Must get ready for this summer...I hope this weather decides to stay with us..I hate the cold nights...I am sure everyone does...unless you have a mate to keep u warm...u don't count in my world...lmao
I will take a few pics of my tat's tonight...Maybe I can post them on here later tonight...if not, tomorrow it shall be..:0)
I want to mention my friend from a distance...I don't know what is happening in ure world but I can see something is not going well for you...talking to someone, anyone will allow your spirit to roam free...I miss you...please reach out to someone...I hate seeing you this way...bears r NSN :0(
April 14, 2007
Saturday
Hmm..where to start, Okay this is what is happening in my world for those who give a damn.
I am finally settled in to my new place..It is so damn small here but I like it this way. I now have 2 floors compared to my four floors...I am trying to get used to not having 2 bathrooms..I miss my fireplace so my dream has been buried..giggles..My doggies are happy with the move now..I believe they were confused at first thinking I was leaving them here...lol...No more whining! Both are back on track.
My girl Tina from Cali is visiting me...I cant wait til she gets here...I no longer have a guest room, sorry.. Changes have been made to please my world..I do plan on going home with her for a week...I miss Cali...it so rocks..! Tina, let's replay the limo...giggles...heh heh heh
I do plan to be here more often this year than last summer..I do have plans for this summer so don't expect me to be here 24/7...live it up people...the sun is calling ure name..ok my name...lol!
I have been scheduled for my third procedure, second part...this procedure is suppose to be a little more complicated than the last 2...I will get through it..I noticed since Dr. C has been doing these surgeries, I have different things going on and so far I can handle it..I hope this one does not require alot of down time...I will find out this Monday at 7:15am with the details of this procedure...lucky me...damn I wish this was all over and I am all better...wishful thinking but I am gettin closer to riden me horse again.
Update on my divorce...My soon to be x is fighting the issue of a divorce...Instead of the original May court date, it has changed to July...which sucks but it is before my birthday so no heart breaks here.
My candle business has slowed down due to all the changes in my life here recently...I am now in the middle of picking up where I left off..it all boils down to work work, fun, work, fun, work...giggles...I am so readyyyyyyyyy!
My Noodle is handling things quite well...I know changes suck for teens but she is gettng through it.
I do miss my Adley butt...I had him Wednesday night and had fun with him before my down time starts...My niece Ker stayed with me and helped me with him...We had a good time...Makin new memories makes me smile! :0)
I miss my April...I know ure reading this...Where r u?
Well gettin close to the end..Looks like things have changed for the better...I am finally in a place where my stress level has dropped to O...yep a big fat ZERO!
I have lost 26 pounds already since Dec 16th...Gettin back into routine was a challenge but I am finally where I should be in life..I remain single BY CHOICE...I have many friends and dont feel the need for a companion in ANY WAY!...One day after my divorce I shall find my friend with benefits but for now I am satisfied with my lifesaver..lmao
I am almost caught up with my messages here...I will be hitting ure comments soon...God I missed u guys...o and before I close...I want to say hello Jason...I want to thank you for being a good friend to me...u have really brightened my days with ure company...and ure daughter, she is beautiful and tell her I had a blast yesterday with her...see you soon...:0)
What's for dinner?
Hugs and missed you all!
March 16, 2007
Friday
I added a video to my page, check it out. You can't hear what I am saying in the video. I was saying hello to all my friends and letting you know this is heaven. I am back but not for long. I had my second procedure done on March 13, 2007 once I returned home. Now I am on call for the next 2 weeks to finish the second part. I will get to everyone's messages and respond to your comments once I am able too. I need to repost my new tat but again don't have time at this moment. I am moving out of state which will take most of my time. If you have my digits, call me!
Hugs and miss you all!
February 28, 2007
Wednesday
What a fuckin day...today is a day for the journal...omg
Let me start off by saying...wtf is wrong with people...first, I had 2 parties scheduled. First party was awsome, everything went smoothly...off to my second party...finally arrive, everything SEEMS normal..noticed while setting up, hostess is on edge. Sometimes people may be a bit nervous..nothin serious...turns out I should worry...without going into detail and to make a long story short, I arrive home back in MD @ 7pm. Second party had mad drama...I usually say I know nothing, I seen nothing...blah blah blah...not this time...I seen the gun, I seen madness...I wanted to run but I didnt...Like always I am talking myself through it..yep...I am a peace maker and I do love breathing..so in my mind, its life or death
without thinking, I am telling this stranger whom is my hostesses x-bf holding a fuckin gun, (loaded or unloaded who really wants to find out...not me)..I talk my way out of this situation using my life experiences as my guide..it worked with understanding and a bit of a reality check..The last thing I said to him, I can see it in your eyes you do not want to hurt her..(I LIED THROUGH MY TEETH) This man had to know it was not worth it..(in the end) we all snap at some point..just takes someone to show you a different path.
I am now back to thinking about becoming a phystrist...years ago, I was told I am good at solving others problems but when it comes to my own...NO FUCKIN WAY of dealing with it..
anyhows..noone was hurt, thank god...party did continue only with orders..I sure in the hell was not in the mood for a party and it was not even a thought to ask if anyone wanted to continue.
February 25, 2007
Sunday
Yesterday I sat in the chair for 6 hrs..give me a few more days and I will add a new pic, I need to heal just a bit. :0)
Not much to say at the moment. O let it snow! giggles
February 22, 2007
Thursday
Hello-o :0)
I am satisfied with today's events. Had a great day, o my week has been even better...anyhow, I have decided to slow things down a bit. My life seems to have taken turns I did not expect to face, soooo soon.
I suppose I am a bit more interestng than some truely realize ... I told you, water pressure was addicting..lmao...Always invite ure mate to join you, when playin with water...its worth it!
for the record, I have never had a threesome and WILL NEVER HAVE ONE...yeah I thought about it and played it over and over in my mind. shows you some do have a fantasy or 2 or 3.....I act upon them, only in my world...gettin down to it, I would NEVER share my man, i would not feel love if my man wanted to share me... i personally would not feel as if he would respect me if I allowed another to touch me in a intimate way. male or female..i dont care..Not my cup of tea...nope..
I open up to only a hand full of people online. Most of you, get a little taste of me...that's it...nothin more..I can make games hard to play...or as easy as abc...wink ♥
:0)
I have been without for 10 months now...wait IT'S BY CHOICE...trust me, can have it anytime, anywhere and any position I please... My ♥ will not be on display..
anywayzzz,
I have found my new location to rest my bones..no I do not plan to die...giggles, I will remain in Maryland. Lucky me :0)..My divorce will be heard in court on May 1, 2007. I will rock his world in court and I owe all my knowledge in this matter to Norman.. thank you for teaching me a valueable lesson in life, Norman...
watch me Spicy. You will love my action in court, girlfriend.
I will be missing in action 2 Friday's from tommorrow. I need a weekend getaway..My girl and I will live it up with many pics to share, I PROMISE!...going to my favorite place...I can feel the sand...take me away..far away
2 more days I will be forever, Little Miss Ridin Hoods gal...lmao..I am so excited to get this tat..The stories I will tell...My tat has a few stories to tell..:0)
Just recieved a phone call from my x-husband Norman. I just said to him, I will never go back to you. Seriously, he needs to move on. Been there and done that with all the broken promises. Anyhow, I love you Norman and I do wish you the best! Those of you who has not visit my website or read my journal, Norman is my 3rd husband. Our marriage was short and I learned a hell of alot from Norman. Like I said in my blog, Everything happens for a reason. To read more about who I am, see my blog above title; Sometimes people come into your life..... :0)
BTW Norman; This song, By your Side...strong words to be dedicating this to me...broken promises baby....Your actions since I divorced you, proves to me, drugs will always win...sorry the truth does hurt...it's reality.
Looks like Vickie finally gets what she wants...free spirit...wink ♥
February 16, 2007
Friday
..This is how it is...I had my surgery on Feb 12th, 2007! The good news, Dr C. explained it is not my disks causing me trouble..He believes its my joints in my lower back and he has a simple procedure in mind that will cure my problems ... Timing is always wrong in my world but I must get er done :0) ... To much going on in my life right now as most of u know ... My stress level in all this has truely dropped off the face of this earth...I see a future with or without love... excited to see whats in store for me...Life is what we make it......any objections?
February 15, 2007
Thursday
Made with People!
February 8, 2007
Thursday
Look to ure left ... My wolfie is so sweet! ♥ Got to love him to pieces ... giggles
February 7, 2007
Wednesday, 2:36pm
Must vent! ... I will say this again...guys READ my fuckin page...not interested in anything but friendship online ONLY! Take this as a warning... If u can take time to write me ure bs than take time to read this page! Here on out I will post ure message here in my journal with ure lame pick up lines ... I hate being a bitch but damn get out and meet ladies... Myspace is not a meat market ... get a fuckin real life and live it!
February 7, 2007
Wednesday
I gave birth today to my youngest daughter 16 yrs ago at 2:34pm...This time I was going through hard labor..I love you Noodle...Sweet 16 teen ...How time goes by so damn fast...Amber I love you, why don't u come out and play with mommy anymore....giggles
February 6, 2007
Tuesday
Today is a special day...woo hoo...I am not telling..it's a surprise...Keep an eye on my comments..The artist himself will post a pic of my tat...I reccommend Temple Art Tattoo Studio for all ure professional tats! ....Your awsome Matti!
February 4, 2007
Sunday
♥ Somewhere Out There ♥ is my heart ... Listen to these two songs by Evanescence ... Broken &
listen to the Rain ... My walls will never come down again!
... I said to much already, sorry ... Need to get her in my circle so I can move on ... as well
February 2, 2007
Friday
I feel like screaming....thought I wanted to write but I am a women and I can change my mind...nothing new...oh u can check my space page page..I added new pics as of Jan 31, 2007..have yet to add new pictures to my photo album..will eventually get to it...so check out myspace page... http://www.myspace.com/aolcross33heart
February 1, 2007
Thursday
Seems minds want to know...My circle..Think of it this way, if you were more than a friend to me than I consider anyone in your/our circle off LIMITS! This mean ure family, your friends, their friends, meaning anyone I have met through you. I have had this rule since my teen yrs..now let me educate you why I feel this to be the moral thing to do. Before I turned 19 a friend of mine named Jane is what we will call her, was seeing one person while messing with others all in the same breathe...I don't believe in this and I cannot judge those who do it..it's their lives not mine..as long as it does not affect me...moving on, Jane hooks up with the same guy that my other friend which we will call her Janice had a serious relationship with. They were split up for over a month.. I seen what my girl Janice went through...I myself could never put a man through that let alone anyone I come in contact with..To me this is not a way to live life. In my eyes, it's respect! for you and others~
January 31, 2007
Wednesday...actually 520am Thursday...giggles
Oh what a night...lmao..Had a fuckin blast, like always...I had a bad day today so my fuckin night must rock!...first my girl and I headed to Sunset and thought we could get a head start on drinking it up early..Played pool and I kicked ass, oh wait, my girl and I were partners so WE KICKED ASS!...funny that I did since I have not played pool since 2004 I believe...anyhow..Jim which is the fuckin coolest man on this planet besides the man who has my heart FOREVERRRRRR of course..he has had a crush on me for over 10 yrs now..I will never go there because he is in my circle...those who know me knows what me talking about....anywaysss...Jim sang me a song and me not tellin...lmao...My cuz Nicki danced with me...we got close...heh heh heh...her girlfriend is a beautiful person...thought I needed to say that...My Spice danced with me too...You can't have her, she is mine, mine mine...well off to the nudie bar we go...What a fuckin trip..needless to say..I feel good and me came home alone because me is a good girl...did I tell u I am purifying myself...ha before u ask why just let me tell ya, My heart belongs to one man..but he is taken so off limits... in better words, in mind, body and soul..wink...and me heart :0)...Met a man, wont say his name..he kicks ass..lol but still me not go there either because he is in my circle...damn circle is round...hah hah hah
I need sleep I am off ...ure going to miss me...Hugs and oh yeah, I forgot..Miss dancer fell down on her bum and I have a rule when a gal goes down u must go down with her..get ure mind out of the gutter...we will not go there...oh what a memory...Miss Nadia went down two times,I had my clothes on and she didnt...she is hot hot hot..Who the fuck reads this journal anyhow...am I wasting my time writing this shit..oops I mean typing...I need feed back...message me or comment me damit..Before I go I want to say me so sorry..I did not reply to any messages yesterday, today whateverrr...I promise to respond sometime today when I stop spinning..nite...hugs
January 31, 2007
Wednesday
Wow...Instead of answering all of you...Heres what I think "my Immortal" means. I think this song is about someone who is so deeply in love and they know they can't be with the person. The wraps on amy's wrists in the "my immortal" music video symbalize wounds that wont heal, she will never get over her true love. And she is so passionately in love that this guys presence is hanuting her dreams, her thoughts, everything and she cant seem to go on with life without this person. She is in love, and it hurts her to be alive and to know that her love is out there and she cant have him. He has taken over her mind and he is all she can think about, he is so utterly amazing to her that she cant bring herself to move on, she cant go on with her life because the most important thing to her is missing.
Amy Lee had a sister when she was about 7 or 8 years old. That sister died. Her sister was 5 years old when she died. I don't feel Amy is haunted by her sisters ghost. Hence the quote, "And if you have to leave, i wish that you would just leave....IMO..I see ghost as angels and would want them to be close to me. hmmm...If it is about her sister than tell me this, why is there a man in the video? If I was talking about my sister than she would be part of the video...don't ya think?
I believe it's someone she has been in love with for a long time and who has fallen into darkness, and is no longer themselves, and she's unable to leave them because she loves them so much.
It's a beautiful song, and no matter what it really means, it all means something different to everyone that hears it.. shades of grey, if you will.
January 29, 2007
Monday
Have u ever had many things on ure mind that u feel ure head is going to explode...I feel this way now... I have alot on my table to deal with at the moment...I was not going to talk about my daughter Amber but I feel the need to get this off my mind...From what I can see, Amber is being a follower instead of a leader. I ask myself why would she do things that others are doing...maybe to be accepted or maybe not...fitting in...who knows but her. This is the first time she has ever been so far away from me and so damn distance. I know I guided her in the right direction with my parenting...seems puppy love is stronger than me. I can handle that but what I cant handle is why is there only one parent caring about all the responsibilities...while the other parent does whatever..u know parry with friends...everynight is a bit to much...
If the things I been told are true, Amber will have a long road ahead of her. All I really want to say is doing drugs because someone else does is not going to make things any better, it will get worse...thats a promise!
Remember you are the adult and u will lose everything, everyone else recieves a slap on the risk.
One more thing to say about this issue...Amber if ure reading this, do me a favor, tell all not only half of what is really going on. I can't respond to ure blogs but I see u have half the truth...get it right...better yet...post my WTF..email and see what I am talking about...I am not the bad person on ure ass..I only want you to grow the fuck up and take control of ure life and stop allowing others control you. You have a mind of ure own...use it little girl. Its not just the folder...it was common sence to call and have it replaced so u would not lose what u already lost...a simple phone call would have fixed everything but u were to worried about others and off to Jons u go...understand now?
More on mind that I need to get out...different subject...This goes out to my soon to be ex husband...I don't want you back so stop tryin...I hate a liar..I gave u to many chances already in the past 5 yrs and u still have a problem with telling the truth....stop fuckin with me or else I will have help on my end to end these fuckin games. Grow the fuck up and find happiness elsewhere...I told u before...dont put the shit in my head ... dont lie its that easy....I think u need professional help...u need to move on...as for sex...never ask again...it will be no no no as it has been for 8 months...o you said 9 but it is 8 from what I can see...on that note...carry on :0)
That felt good...now off to work on site...hugs to all
January 27, 2007
Saturday
Tonight was a relaxing night..Watched RockStar...good movie..hmmm...I seem to be dissecting it...wow..only in my world!
January 25, 2007
2:54pm
Those who are questioning; Pain by Three Days Grace..According to the band, the song is based on the pain and loneliness encountered on the road during their tours. The band describes this as when people are inches away from you, but you feel miles apart. They allow themselves to be immersed in pain and depression, while they try to listen to a voice that tries to help them break free of this pain.
Hope this is enough to ease ure mind!
January 25, 2007
Thursday
Weather sucked for the most part so thats my main reason to come back to this fucked up town...Does the weatherman ever get it right...anyhow, I enjoyed the rain, walking and let my mind run wild did alot good. Old people thought I was a whack but what do they know..When I am oldER..I will tell the young, Think of every minute of the day as if it were ure last minute to live.
The ocean is beautiful...played my games in the sand..Looking up in the sky thinking about what I said, what I done in my life..memories that will never excape me.
all in all...I needed this time away to sort my thoughts and now I have my eyes wide open! This song, Talking to Myself is all me!
Is anyone listening?
January 20, 2007
Saturday
I will be missing in action starting Tomorrow! The sky is calling my name..I am expecting to return on the 28th thats if my plane is not hijacked..no jokes..but it could happen.. so keep those postive vibes alive for me..Heading to SUNSHINE! Some of u know I am dealing with alot at the moment..My surgery scares the shit out of me so I feel the need to fly. May be my last...who really fuckin knows!
January 13, 2007
Saturday
Just got notice today...My surgery will be Feb 12th...I am scared to have this done but I know it will be worth it! Looking on the brighter side... I will have full control of my life again...thats more than worth the risk!
I pray I come back to you all...My time can't be up yet..I have yet to live!...hugs
January 12, 2007
Friday
What is wrong with people today? I think something may be in the water...lol
Closing my eyes now :-)
January 8, 2007
Trying to finish Julian's album ...you will love these pics..he is s cute.
Just another day going by,...Myspace is acting up ...
I need to get things done anyhow..hugs to all
peace~
January 7, 2007
Sunday
Okay as you can hear, a new song...I lived by my recent song..My Sacrifice, by Creed!
As I said above; this song is called Colorful and the best damn group I have ever heard, The Verve Pipe is awsome.
Here is the story, This song is dedicated to me! I think? I was told to listen to this song, so of cource I did..The lyrics and melody went through me...I was determine to get this song on myspace page and here. I searched with no luck and could not battle the thought of this song not making it here..I finally got it! Go me!
Now off to learn more of what I don't know
Hugs & more hugs
January 6, 2007
Saturday
I finally got to take my daughter with me to the nudie bar. I can't believe she is 20 yrs old! We had a blast! She invited her bf to come along..It was his first time and I know these memories will carry with them both throughout the years. It was another night in my life to never forget! Go us!
My noodle is only going on 16 and she was a bit upset that we were going out without her...a few more years than I can have both of my daughter's out on the town. :0)
OMG...We can go dancin...My noodle is not a baby anymore..she has moves that a stripper would die for...I always said when she danced, she will be my exotic dancer when she is grown..grin :0)..She has a body I would of died for..I am sure I would have her body if I never got pregnantt at 15yr old...take it from me..having Amber changed my body..See teens, having kids at a young age is stupid..live your life and than raise children after you fulfill your dreams. Life is too short and having kids it's no longer about you! So on that note...be responsible and enjoy freedom while you can. :0)
I will have my freedom back at 100% when Noodle is 18...I did my job in raising them now its my turn to think about me!
January 5, 2007
Friday
Have you noticed I removed pics from my page...Thank me now April...lol
Time for you to upgrade to cable modem..you won't be disappointed!
anyhow, I am back..for now :0)
Ask yourself;
Have you ever felt energy move tangibly between yourself and someone else?
I am finding my way to self discovery
There is a time and place for me to answer this question so I won't answer this question as of yet.
<br> You on the other hand can think about it and let me know!
January 3, 2007
5:pm.
Just so you know I am not lost, I will return Friday, maybe Saturday. I will check messages as often as I can. I won't be able to answer all new messages but will answer a few here and there. No promises when I shall return. While your here, see new pics of my girls. I know they are beautiful so make a comment if you dare!
Hugs and peace~
January 3, 2007
2:50am.
I guess this is the best time to say what needs to be said. I don't want to come off as a bitch but guys you are making it hard on yourself. I am not here looking for a mate, lover or as some of you call it...bootycall. Please take a moment and read my page. You will see I have no intentions of hooking up! I dont want to feel that myspace has turned into a meat market.. new guys READ my page before you request to be friends. I been out with many myspace friends, in GROUPS to have fun, I am not seeking love, one man has my heart. Thanks for understanding.
ok now I am done ranting..forgive me but enough is enough!
I find it hard to sleep right now. I am planning a trip as I write this. I feel my life has caught up with me.
These weeks has changed my life! What shall this year bring for me!
January 2, 2007
Wow I broke my record, I am back after 2 days gone.. I decided to head out of town for a day or so to get my thoughts in order. While I was on the road yesterday, I took the wrong turn and ended up going in circles. I tried asking questions where the fuck am I but all I got was, I speak no english..I was mad but than again I turned it into a game...lol I try to keep myself amused.
I finally got to the hotel. Yeah I know...I have a thing with hotels when it comes to alone time...I laid in bed and let my thoughts consume me..I finally fell asleep. I woke up at 5am and headed back home. On my way home I seen a family of deer. I pulled over and just watched. God I love nature! Life is too short to be wasting time.
Must get my day started.
